Wrestling eels featuring Andy Kaufman
A bunch of movies open on Christmas Day this year. There’s one with Brad Pitt aging backwards, Samuel L. Jackson in a green screen graphic novel, and Tom Cruise tries to blow up Hitler with the success of Wile E. Coyote. What’s nearly lost in the crowd is the Oscar contender that came out in limited release last weekend: The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke debuts one of his oiliest roles yet, and to rave reviews. Of course, this is a perfect excuse to bring up 10 of my favorite heels from wrestling’s Golden Age, especially the 80s.
Jake was truly one of the most ingenious heels in wrestling. He was a master of kayfabe to the extent that he even used his pets to take advantage of other wrestlers’ actual fear of snakes. He was rarely without his Burmese python, Damien, and in one infamous match he even allowed a cobra to bite Macho Man Randy Savage, to the stunned horror of the crowd. It was probably the only instance Savage’s life where the Slim Jim bit him.
No less than 5 racial stereotypes after the jump…
#9 Classy Freddie Blassie
Long before Mike Tyson took a bite out of Holyfield or Ozzie had a bat-tasting session, Fred Blassie made a name for himself as The Vampire because he was known for filing his teeth and biting people. Blassie was beating up pencil-necked geeks for nearly half a century, starting his career in the 1930s and making appearances for the WWF as late as 3 weeks before his death in 2003. Blassie was so hated as a heel that one of his matches was canceled when, despite his police escort, a riled up fan threw acid on his back.
#8 The Sheik
What would the 20th century be without ridiculous racial stereotypes? The Sheik, not to be confused later with The Iron Sheik, was actually a Lebanese-American, Ed Farhat, who played football at Michigan before becoming a crazy Syrian noble who didn’t speak any English and threw fireballs at his opponents. He was so into kayfabe that he would throw fireballs at fans who recognized him in public, and even insisted that his grandkids call him Grandpa Sheik.The racial stereotypes weren’t only for non-Europeans. Rowdy Roddy Piper was a notoriously charismatic heel who made a name for himself with his kilt and Scottish temper, despite actually being from Winnipeg, Manitoba and having no real connection to Scotland. Hot Rod would often play opposite Hulk Hogan, and was known for his clever rule breaking and witty interviews. Besides having a horrible excuse for a Scottish accent, he was also crazy (see video).
#6 Ric Flair
To be the man, you gotta beat the man! Often regarded as one of the dirtiest players and definitely one of the flashiest, Ric Flair was an old school legend whose career came into fruition after a plane crash injury that forced him to change his style. He was an original flashy rich jerk before The Million Dollar Man came along and became an uber jerk. Flair constantly bragged about his expensive lifestyle and women just to get under your skin, and whenever he needed backup he would call in his Four Horsemen.
#5 The Iron Sheik
While most wrestlers created their kayfabe identities from scratch, The Iron Sheik actually was Iranian. Given the political climate of the 80s, he didn’t have to do anything bad other than be himself. Of course the huge mustache, Aladdin shoes, and gutra and igal helped his image. The Ayatollah character in The Wrestler is based on The Iron Sheik.Volkoff would start his matches by insisting that everybody rise while he sang the Russian national anthem. Of course, the American crowds just ate up. He would partner with The Iron Sheik to make the perfect heels 20th century America: a Soviet and Iranian tag team aka “The Foreign Legion”. Volkoff’s schtick didn’t work as well after the end of the Cold War, so like most ex-commies he adjusted to capitalism by working for pennies under The Million Dollar Man. Today in the twilight of his fame, he sings the anthem and it still gets a great response.
#3 Abdullah the Butcher
Sticking with the Muslim stereotypes, The Madman from Sudan was actually Lawrence Shreve, a black guy from Windsor, Ontario (think Detroit). Weighing 360 pounds with a scary bald head and huge man-titties, Abdullah looked like an executioner without the mask. His favorite weapon was a fork (obviously a favorite tool when you weigh 360), and nearly all of his matches were marked by copious amounts of blood–from himself and his opponents.#2 Gorgeous George
Gorgeous George Wagner deserves credit because decades before there were truly ridiculous characters, he put wrestling on the path to where it is today. In the 1940s, George created his image by becoming a pretty boy heel who entered the ring to Pomp and Circumstance (yeah, like you hear at graduation) and insisting that he be sprayed with perfume before he fought. This, of course, induced a healthy dose of outrage from his opponents and created quite a spectacle.
#1 The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase
He may not have been the meanest or most hated heel, but his vignettes and stunts are so hilarious that they slay me every time. Most of his stunts involved bribing people (with all of $500), demeaning volunteers with humiliating acts for paltry sums of money, or setting up some rigged game that only he would win. This poor kid, for example, is scarred for life. Today DiBiase is an evangelical minister, and his personal manservant, Virgil, is a math teacher in Pennsylvania.
@mrjyn
January 14, 2011
Wrestling eels
via videosurf.com