Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert.

While eschewing capitalistic freedoms that most humans relish, East Germans have always been good friends to people of Mustached American descent. The East German men, certainly, have supported our efforts and heritage, but our cause has also been championed by East German females.

I was reminded of this kinship with our furry lady friends while reviewing the "talent" on Women With Mustaches, a new effort by Matthew Inman of TheOatmeal.com. With this offering, Mr. Inman has thrown the spotlight on a subject that too often leads those sporting a lady lip covering to hide in the shadows, wearing out perfectly good tweezers. Alas, this self-mutilation has gone on for far too long.

Dr. Froman praises the virtues of the female 'stache, after the jump.

Our appreciation of the female 'stache began, in fact, with East German Olympic swimmers Kornelia Ender, Barbara Krause and Carola Nitschke -- best known for being dogged by rumors and accusations of steroid use. These fuzzy ladies have actually led the American Mustache Institute's East Berlin chapter since 1979.

Yes, Ms. Ender, who won four gold and four silver medals at the 1972 and 1976 Olympics, revealed the she started receiving injections at the age of 13. However, her work in leading our chapter and propagating the East German mustached lifestyle has brought a sense of national pride to Germany, even in dark times.

Mustaches for Men Only?

Mr. Inman's Web site reminded me of the question I am most often asked when skateboarding down the streets of Detroit wearing nothing but knickers and a tank-top reading "hot rod." That is, "What constitutes a bad mustache?"

While doing this exercise, remember that there are no bad ideas in a brainstorm (unless they contradict mine), and a "good" breast reduction is not an achievable objective. In other words, there is no such thing as a "bad" mustache.

Whether you look to the lower nose accoutrement of the Lakers' Adam Morrison, film director John Waters' pencil-thin, a patchy growth forest of a 17-year-old stunt midget, or the labia sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater") of a robust, sensual woman -- a mustache is a thing of beauty, art, wonder and pleasure.

Never forget what we teach in the pre-K program at the American Mustache Institute: A mustache -- any mustache -- is a terrible thing to shave.

For Dr. Abraham J. Froman's mustache perspective, check in every Wednesday on Asylum.