AUTOPSIA DE UN FANTASMA

«Autopsia un fantasme d'une autopsie sur un ghost» 1966
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Autopsia de un Fantasma

Autopsy on a Ghost

(Películas Rodríguez, 1966) Exec. Producer: Luis Quintanilla Rico; Producer/Director/Screenplay: Ismael Rodríguez; Dialogue: Pedro de Urdimalas; Story: Mario Hernández, Carlos Piñar; Film Ed: Fernando Martínez; Asst. Dir: Mario Llorca; Art Dir: Roberto Silva; Photography: Carlos Carbajal; Makeup: Margarita Ortega; Prod. Chief: José Alcalde; Music: Raúl Lavista; Sound Ed: Raúl Portillo

Cast: Basil Rathbone (Canuto Pérez), John Carradine (Satan), Amadee Chabot (Galena Pulido), Cameron Mitchell (Prof. Moléculo Pulido), Carlos Piñar (Jaime Blondo), Vitola (Vitola), Chabelo (Chabelo), Arturo "Bigotón" Castro (judge) Susana Cabrera (Susana), Pancho Córdoba (Pinedo), Delia Magaña (beggar), Pompín Iglesias (Pompín), Harapos (Agent 0), Nacho Contla (Nacho), Ahuixotl (Electron), Manolín (Manolín), Jorge Delong, Schillinsky (cabdriver), Hnos. Tejada

Outside a deserted old house, an old beggar woman says it looks like it's going to "rain buckets," and it does--real ones. Meanwhile, in a hidden room inside the deserted mansion, the spirit of Canuto Pérez and his lively skeleton have been waiting 400 years for their case to be judged by the Almighty. Satan arrives to hear the sentence, anxious to know if Hell is going to have a new inhabitant.

"Canuto Pérez," the voice of God entones, "you spent your whole life deceiving innocent young women, so much so that you couldn't ever enjoy the love of the only woman you really loved. And then, at the end, you cheated destiny by taking your own life."
"I might respectfully mention," Canuto says, "that at the last minute I repented." God agrees, and because there is a tiny spark of decency in Canuto's soul, his spirit will have one chance to get into Heaven. He will have four days to earn the love of one of 4 women who will cross his path: but this woman must love him so much that she is willing to give her life for him.

However, there is a catch: Canuto's spirit can't leave the house. The Devil is in charge of bringing four women to him. "Where will you find those 4 beautiful damsels?" Canuto asks. The Devil laughs: "Beautiful damsels? We'll see about that--after all, it won't be easy to bring people to this place."

The first woman Satan approaches is the eccentric, gawky Vitola. He puts the thought in her mind that she must become a famous dancer and model. She wakes up her feckless nephew Pompín, ordering him to rob the bank where he works, in order to pay for a trip to Switzerland to launch her career. He refuses, but she says he won't get any breakfast until he agrees. Their neighbor, don Nacho, arrives in time to stop Vitola from strangling her recalcitrant nephew. However, Nacho agrees robbing the bank would be a good idea, as long as he (Nacho) gets some of the money. "But I'm honest," Pompín protests. "Oh yes?" Nacho says, "What about those 10 pesos you took from me? You are already dishonored." Pompín tries to pay the money back, but it's "too late." Nacho's overgrown son Chabelo comes in and he too thinks the robbery is a good idea. Pompín is finally convinced, when they tell him he can go on a trip to the Mediterranean with his share: "My golden dream--the sea, girls in bikinis, girls in mono-kinis! I'll do it!"

Satan's next stop is the home of Moléculo Pulido, an eccentric inventor. The devil is baffled by the peculiar doorbell, which requires the insertion of 20 cents before it will ring. Inside are the Professor, his lovely daughter Galena, Susana the maid, and Galena's son Electron, dressed up for the moment like an angel.
While Satan is waiting outside, two effeminate men pass by and make a comment about the (sulfur and brimstone) smell emanating from the devilish character. He turns them into goats: "that will give you something to smell!"

The devil gets in, unseen, and plants a naughty suggestion in Electron's mind: the young boy stabs Susana in the rear with a hypodermic needle, and he is saved from a beating by the arrival of Robotina, Electron's robot grandmother.

Susana tries to exorcise the house of its evil influences. Moléculo and Galena wish they could get rid of Robotina, because "she's a rebel without a cause." Galena checks Susana to see if the maid has been injured by the robot's attack: "Either you're dead, or my watch has stopped." Susana tells the professor that he has his shoes on wrong. "Impossible, the pointed parts are pointing forward." No, she says, you have them on the wrong feet. "These are the only feet I have," he replies. Susana helps him switch his shoes, and the grateful scientist asks "How much do I pay you?" "Nothing," Susana replies. "Well, beginning tomorrow you earn double."

 

Satan impersonates their landlord and demands the rent. They don't have it--Moléculo needs some parts for his new invention, and asks the devil for a loan. He shows some of his earlier works: a cigarette that doesn't smell or taste like tobacco, but causes "more and better" cancer. Satan is accidentally trapped in a reducing machine (a spinning chair); as he spins, sulfur flies out, splattering the others. He is saved from the full 32-minute treatment by Susana's quick action, which propels him into the wall of the house.
"Get out of this house in six hours!" he says. But "I don't want you to think I'm cruel," he adds (as he slaps Moléculo's face). They can live in another house, rent-free. Before he leaves, Satan remarks that Electron is showing real promise (as a devilish child), but when the devil tries to turn Robotina into a goat, his powers fail him. He tries extending his tail (Moléculo: "We're all descended from apes"), and showing his horns (Moléculo: "Don't talk about the man's wife"--"horns" are the sign for a cuckold), but Robotina tosses him through the door.

Before they leave, Moléculo, using Robotina as his secretary, writes a letter to their financial backer telling him of their new address, so the promised check can be forwarded.

Pompín is at work in the bank. Satan encourages him to steal the money: "Don't tempt me, Satan." The devil gives him a shove: "You can tempt me, but don't push!" Pompín fills his pockets, and heads for the haunted house to hide the stolen money.

Satan next accosts Manolín outside a funeral parlor, by posing as a beautiful young woman. When Manolín turns the corner, the devil is now a postman, who delivers a letter addressed to Manolín's late father. It is from Moléculo. Manolín has a strange illness, his memory is failing and all he can remember are numbers.
Pompín arrives at the haunted house. Canuto and the skeleton think it might be one of the four women, but the devil tells them Pompín is merely the motive to attract the women there. Pompín hides the stolen money in a chamberpot and covers it with toilet tissue.

Moléculo's family arrives in a moving van. Canuto and his skeleton watch eagerly. "Which one will die for us?" Canuto wonders. "They're no good dead," the skeleton replies, "they have to be alive to take advantage of." The old beggar woman tries to pick Moléculo's pocket, but is foiled by one of his inventions, a disembodied hand.

Pompín, overcome by remorse, goes to the office of Jaime Blondo to surrender. Blondo, secret agent, is already on the case. The description he gives of Pompín is accurate: "Melon head...two eyes but only one nose...face of an imbecile. The most crucial clue is the mole on his nose." Pompín points out that this is merely a flyspeck on the photo, but Blondo angrily tells him to stop destroying evidence. Agent 0 brings in a group of battered criminals: "They all confessed voluntarily." Pompín finally convinces them HE is the crook. Where's the money? "I shared it with the poor." "Lies! In this country there are NO poor people."

Pompín is put on trial. Blondo is the judge (surround by beautiful women; the bailiff is a blonde wearing a blue two-piece bathing suit!); the jury consists of disinterested hippies and beatniks (one is reading a comic book, another is playing with one of those cup-and-ball toys). Pinedo, Pompín's attorney, makes a rousing but nonsensical speech which garners wild applause. Blondo says we'll let Pompín go and follow him to the money. Nacho, Chabelo, and Vitola all have the same idea, although Vitola reneges on her deal to share the money with them. Pompín fails to pay Pinedo: "You got all the applause, I'll take the money," and the lawyer teams up with Nacho and Chabelo.

Back at the haunted house, Canuto's spirit enters Galena's bedroom, dressed as Cyrano de Bergerac. She spurns his advances and warns him that her father could disintegrate him: "you're a useless formula, a logarithm." Canuto has to report his first failure to his skeletal self.

Meanwhile, Blondo and Agent 0 are trailing Pompín, while Nacho, Chabelo and Pinedo (disguised as Christmas trees) are following Vitola.

Manolín arrives at the haunted house and Galena takes a liking to him. At first he can't recall why he's there, but then tells them he's the son of their (late) financial backer. They make him at home. "I'm going to show you my newest invention," Moléculo says. Manolín thinks he's referring to the lovely Galena. "No, I did that too, but this is something else."

Pompín dresses up like Little Red Riding Hood to elude Blondo and Agent 0.

Moléculo shows Manolín his new robot, Caruso. He needs money for the final parts--Manolín says "I have 4,000 pesos here, but I can't remember what for." Moléculo takes 3,500 for the electronic parts. "Wait," Manolín says, "I remember what the money is for. It's to bury my father. If I don't pay, the funeral home will make me take him back, and what will I do with him ?" Moléculo refuses to return the cash, but says Caruso will be complete the next day, and then they'll all be rich. Manolín meets Electron, Galena's young son. She doesn't know who the father is: "It all happened so quickly." She is a dedicated doctor whose work absorbs her. Manolín: "Perhaps the father was a patient?" "Or impatient," Moléculo says.

Vitola can't get inside the haunted house. Under duress, she agrees to share the money with Nacho, Chabelo and Pinedo, and tells them the loot is in a rooftop water tank. However, when they climb up, she turns them over to the police. She then manages to get into the house (with Satan's aid) and Canuto sees her. "That damsel is for you," he tells his skeleton. When asked what she looked like, the spirit replies "an exotic beauty." Vitola gets a job as a servant for no wages (and she also has to pay for her meals).
Pompín, still dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, ducks into an all-girl's club and tricks Blondo and Agent 0 into following. They are all attacked by the outraged women.

Down at the jail, the old beggar woman tries to pay her bond with a check. They won't take it: "this is an outrage!" "No, it's a jail." Nacho, Chabelo and Pinedo ask: "What about us?" "Cancel all your appointments for the next 6 months," the judge says. However, he will have to release them if Vitola doesn't show up to press charges by the next day. Pompín, Blondo and Agent 0 are brought in, charged with being degenerates. Blondo pays their fine, but Pompín doesn't want to go. In order to stay in jail, he cuts off the judge's moustache. "Lock him up until my beautiful moustache grows back!"

Moléculo is programming his new robot, Caruso. However, when he leaves, Robotina tampers with her rival. Meanwhile, Susana catches Vitola searching the house for the money. "Help me look and I'll give you the biggest half," Vitola says. Susana agrees.

Canuto appears as a beatnik (or perhaps an imitation Beatle, since he has a guitar and a Beatle-style wig) and tries to make love to Vitola. When she finds out he's a ghost, she turns him down: "I want something more to hold onto than pure air."

Failure #2.

It is time for the big moment: Moléculo turns on Caruso, and asks him to sing for the assembled audience. Please, anything, he pleads, "Whatever you want--Singing in the Rain." Instead, the robot blows raspberries. So much for their plan to get rich. Why not rent out rooms, Manolín suggests. When they do, the beggar woman, Nacho, Chabelo and Pinedo snatch them up, at the bargain price of $100 a day, all included. Blondo and Agent 0 are turned away. Canuto is shocked to see the new arrivals, especially the only female, "an old woman!" The devil laughs.

The new guests are welcomed by Galena. "Everything in this house is at your disposal, including my services." However, Manolín is jealous at the males' leering looks: "Galena is a doctor and she does the examining, she is not to be examined." Vitola also doesn't like to see her rivals there, but tells Susana that "We'll let them find the money for us, and then. . ." (she brandishes a large knife).

While Moléculo is working on Caruso, Galena is trying to find out why Manolín is absent-minded. "Your mind is like a scrambled egg." Actually, she says, your mind is like a camera: "Everything you see, hear, touch is imprinted on your brain like a photograph." "Can I take a photo of your lips?" Manolín asks. "Well, all right--but don't overexpose." However, Manolín kisses Moléculo by mistake.
Canuto appears as an Apache dancer and tries to make Susana fall in love with him, but she also turns him down. Satan laughs at him: "There aren't any good jokes in Hell, they're out of style. But here I can have fun." Electron and Robotina see Canuto, but when the robot grandmother tries to grab the ghost, he disappears.
At dinner (with food pills served on an electric train), the devil tries to sow dissent between Nacho and Chabelo. "Watch the poisonous way he looks at you."
Canuto's skeleton finally breaks out of the crypt and spots Vitola ("What a beautiful skeleton!"), searching the basement. She nearly finds the money, but is interrupted by Electron and Robotina. She hands them the chamberpot and leaves. Robotina puts the money inside her chest. The skeleton follows Vitola to her room and they fall in love. When the skeleton returns to the crypt, he says "We're saved, we're going to heaven!" But Satan intervenes: a woman has to fall in love with Canuto Perez, not "his marimba." Canuto is crestfallen: "Things are going worse than in Vietnam." He warns the skeleton to stay in the basement so as not to ruin his chances with female #4, the beggar woman.
All of the conspirators are disguised as ghosts so they can search the house at their leisure. Canuto sees the beggar making her costume and leaves in disgust. The "ghosts" tear the house apart looking for the hidden loot. Robotina tosses Susana, Vitola, Chabelo, and Nacho out of Electron's room, but is baffled by Canuto, the real ghost. "Who are you?" "A tortured soul, condemned to eternal damnation. A being no one loves," Canuto replies. "Do you know what love is?" "I know what hate is," Robotina says. "Everyone hates me except my boy [Electron]." "Well, imagine how you will feel when he leaves you," Canuto says sadly.
The next morning, Moléculo and his family are appalled at the ruins of the house. "Which of you installed the air conditioning and the interior decoration?" he asks his guests. They all say: "The ghost did it!" and Moléculo determines to destroy the spirit. He has a device that will track down the skeleton, and once that is destroyed, the ghost will also be gone.
Pompín arrives, disguised as a nun. When the others hear this, they rush to find him and the money. Pompín can't find the chamberpot where he hid the money. He is trapped by the others: they tie him up, attach two tubes to his nose, and threaten to irritate a skunk (on the other end of the tubes), unless he reveals the hiding place of the money. Desperate, he says Pinedo, his lawyer, has it. They put Pinedo in a box and fill it with live cats. Pinedo accuses Vitola--she is doubled up in a box and has her feet tickled. She fingers Susana!
Moléculo and Manolín begin to hunt the ghost. Robotina warns Canuto to escape, but he can't leave the house. His skeleton is caught in a kind of giant vacuum cleaner and taken to the pulverizing chamber.
Meanwhile, Susana is tied up under a suspended piano, and the rope is being burned with a blowtorch. She claims the beggar woman has the stolen loot. Nacho and Chabelo, the only remaining conspirators, force her to drink castor oil until she finally says Nacho has it. Chabelo ties up his own father and tortures him: "Who has it?" "You do, my son." Chabelo is outraged: "Who can I blame then? You rats! We're all guilty, and we're all going to die!" He splashes gasoline over them and asks his father for a light. Nacho sets him on fire with the blowtorch.
Canuto reluctantly tries to sweet-talk the beggar woman, still tied up. "You remind me of my grandmother--but, I loved my grandmother!" he adds hastily. However, he can't do it.
The skeleton is slowly being reduced to dust, which will spell the end of Canuto as well, so Robotina sacrifices herself to destroy the device.
Galena and Moléculo tell Electron they'll make him a new robot, but he is sad. Although Canuto was saved by Robotina's love, he says he won't go to heaven, he'll stay with her robotic remains for eternity. Galena promises Manolín he'll regain his memory. Blondo and the police arrive to arrest the crooks. They'll be sent to the Islas Marias, Mexico's penal colony islands (Pompín is happy: "My watery dream comes true."). Pinedo, the lawyer, says "I hate cats!" as he runs around and barks like a dog. The beggar woman suggests Moléculo make an army of robots--she'll teach them to beg, they'll all get rich. Moléculo finally repairs Caruso, and the robot advances on him inexorably. "Don't kill me!" the scientist pleads. "No, I love you, give me a kiss!" the robot simpers.
Autopsia de un fantasma is a bizarre concoction of ancient jokes, puns, and sight gags, delivered by an all-star (in a manner of speaking) cast of comedians. The picture reunites former comedy teams Manolín y Schillinsky (although Schillinsky has only a bit part) and Pompín and Nacho (who were big on TV--Susana Cabrera had also worked with them).
Autopsia is really only notable for the presence of Hollywood actors Cameron Mitchell, Basil Rathbone, and John Carradine (Amadee Chabot was also from the U.S. but her Hollywood film career had been very minor). How and why Ismael Rodríguez hired these three performers is unknown: was he thinking of releasing an English-language version? Well, he apparently was, since all of the printed signs in the film are in Spanish and in English (often on the flip side), except for one which is verbally translated into English (by a figure in a black hood who speaks with a woman's voice and has a kind of Brooklyn accent!).
Mitchell is OK, cast completely against type as a befuddled mad scientist; Carradine (who would appear in five more Mexican features during his career) and Rathbone (looking suitably decadent and decrepit) are both satisfactory. Rathbone (and his alter ego skeleton) are both given Spanish accents (in keeping with their alleged age, since 400 years earlier everybody in Mexico spoke Spanish with a Spanish accent! Except the native inhabitants, of course). Carradine has a stentorian voice dubbing his dialogue (possibly Víctor Alcocer), which fits him well. Amedee Chabot wears nothing but a variety of bikinis during the film, occasionally flinging on a mink coat when she goes outside.