Wowwee's Top 10 Love-Starved Androids (and yeah, the toys are on sale)

I get a lot of stupid pitches from PR folks for Tech Broiler. Most of them I ignore and go directly into the bit bucket.

After all, Ally Sheedy did aid and abet Lindsay Wagner …what’s not to love?

It’s been a long, sometimes rocky, road bringing robots from the fringe to mainstream, so take a moment to reflect on those forgotten heroes.

Hello, I'm Marvin: le robot Web semantique

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10 Sexiest Robots who want to play with your Softdrive

1. Robby the Robot (Forbidden Planet)

2. Dot Matrix (Space Balls)

3. Johnny 5 (Short Circuit)

4. Vicki (Small Wonder)

5. Robot B9 (Lost in Space)

6. Jaime Sommers (The Bionic Woman)

7. Hal (2001: Space Odyssey)

8. Bishop (Aliens)

9. ED-209 (Robocop)

10. Bender Bending Rodriguez (Futurama)

And, oh yeah, their cool robot toys are on sale. I particularly like the Tri-bot thing, and his girlfriend Femisapien is half price (oh, what a deal!). My nephews got one for Hannukah last year from us, and they love it.

Now, being a bit of a Sci-Fi dork, and having an opinion on the matter, I have to take exception to Wowwee’s list. Not that I have issues with the particular order, but some of these robots just don’t belong there.

First of all Robby The Robot has to be one of the most loved and most famous robots in all of classic golden age 1950s and 1960’s Sci-Fi.

Short Circuit’s Johnny 5 has way too much cute factor, considering he’s the evolutionary precursor to Wall-E and Steve Guttenberg.

Jaime Sommers? THE BIONIC WOMAN? C’mon? What male Gen-Xers of my age group during the mid-late 1970’s didn’t have a pin up poster of Lindsay Wagner AND a CYBORG. And the last time I checked she “loved” dorks.
DEFINITELY robots need love

First — IT-0 Interrogator Droid from Star Wars Episode IV into S&M, and absolutely NO LOVE WHATSOEVER is necessary.

It's a SEX Party at Chez Robot!

Little guy is subject to your depraved and pathological whims du jour with huge hypodermic needles sticking out, or whatever you're into.

God-Knows what loaded torture chassis Dr. Mengele loves?!

The absolutely furthest thing you need is love (not for the Beatles), it’s for him.

Next is the robot and computer Twiki Doctor Theopolis 80’s Buck Rogers 25th Century comic relief robot I imagine has to be one of the most debasing Mel Blancas ever to play Kinky Games in Bed. But at least Twiki has movable mechanical functions of love, or good hugs; Dr. Theopolis is simply disembodied.

CPU TV shtick hack comedy two poor schocky bastards shoved out an airlock into the Phantom Zone.

Sci-Fi has Robot COUNSELING — no, let me rephrase that, institutionalized twelve step programs you have to go to Great Britain to blame. It’s raining all the time in a constant rusting, weird PBS US-appreciated British SF pissed off angry cyborg robot KIND OF WAY!

I’ve chosen my guy.

If there’s any robot that is in a position to be top contender for most need of love on any Top 10 list, it has to be Marvin the Paranoid Android from the original BBC Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy TV Series. Never mind the fact that he looks like a an over sized version of a preschooler’s toy and schleps around slower than an arthritic octogenarian, but the poor chap is in a constant state of depression. “God, I’m So Depressed” is this guy’s mantra. Marvin has a brain the size of a planet, and it probably would take a neutron star’s mass of Xanax to lift this guy’s spirits all the way from suicidal to post-traumatic stress disorder levels.

Got any favorite robots that are love-starved, aye?

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