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August 21, 2010

Roadie: The story of a boy and his equipment




1.
Roadie: The story of a boy and his equipment
An individual who is responsible for setting up, tearing down, and generally maintaining the equipment for a band. See also coons
Hey roadie, I need a new pic for my guitar.
by Ryan May 8, 2003 share this
Roadie
buy roadie mugs, tshirts and magnets
A roadie is an individual who travels to gigs with a band and assists with setup and organization - most commonly girls (men traveling with the band are usually referred to as techies). You usually see them selling the tickets or refreshments, and/or sitting at a soundboard or helping the other bands during the show.
Roadies are sometimes mistaken for groupies, but there is a major difference. A groupie’s main goal is to sleep with the band whereas a roadie’s main goal is to insure the show runs smoothly and everyone in the band has their equipment set up and is ready. Occasionally they are paid.
Roadies are predominantly long time friends of the band and may even have had previous relationships with a band member. Sometimes they may be the girlfriend of a band member, but they are no longer considered roadies.
You know that band Cyrens from Troup? Well they just made Anna their roadie because they needed another person to help set up and run their gigs. It's fortunate her and Tiffany get along well; they will both make sure everything runs smoothly.
by Broken Redemption Jun 21, 2005 share this





Style B, 1 sheet 27 x 41
What happens when the world's biggest rocker (Meat Loaf), the world's sexiest rocker (Deborah Harry), the world's craziest rocker (Alice Cooper), and Roy Orbison, Art Carney, Hank Williams Jr., Asleep at the Wheel and a cast of hundreds get together to film the wild adventures of Travis W. Redfish?


"Saturday Night Live" (1975)
 -  Jake and Elwood have a very brief - but very clear - cameo.
"Charlie's Angels" (1976)
"Fantasy Island" (1978)
Features
"Soul Train" (1971)
Independence Day (1976)
Spoofs
Midnight Cowboy (1969)
Travis Redfish: Why is my life so much harder than everybody else's?
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Travis Redfish: Better a Redfish than a Deadfish.
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Various persons: Everything works if you let it.
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Corpus C. Redfish: Well that's a strange and wondrous tale, son, but like everything else, it'll work if you let it.
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B. B. Muldoone: Uh oh. Travis has a brainlock.
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Lola Bouilliabase: The muscians make it rock but the roadies make it roll!
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        1. Chicago Sun-Times [Roger Ebert]
        2. The Onion A.V. Club [Nathan Rabin]
        3. filmcritic.com
        4. DVD Verdict
        5. Rotten Tomatoes
        6. Wider Screenings [Robert Cettl]
          1. Movieman.de - DVDReview (German)
          2. Movie Junk Archive - Roadie Article
          3. Filmhai - info (German)
          4. Movieplayer.it - News and Info, Pics, Trailers (Italian)
          5. New Video Film-Lexikon (German)
          6. Retro Junk
          7. Retroland
          8. SoundtrackCollector - Soundtrack Information
          9. I was there at the filming of ROADIE
          10. Zelluloid.de (German)


Texas
On The Road
Cross Country Trip
Groupie
Spandex Disco Jeans
Highway Travel
Rock Star
Wedding
Love At First Sight
Car Chase
Road Trip
Armadillo
Bar Fight
Cross Country
Road Movie
Tour
Roadtrip
Beer Drinking
Independent Film

A bonafide B-movie cult classic, 12 November 2003
9/10
Author: suebee88 from Austin, Texas
I'm probably one of about 5 people in the world who actually saw this in the theatres back in 1980, and I am absolutely thrilled it's now out on DVD. The film is a bonafide B-movie cult classic. Anyone who has ever lived in Austin, particularly in the pre-90's high-tech boom, will treasure the asthetics of the film. It has all the elements that make Austin the weird, unique town that it is. It totally stereotypes Texans, which makes it all the more funny to this Texan. People who don't understand Austin (or Texas) won't get the film, and probably won't like it.

High points of the film include a Hank Williams Jr./Roy Orbison duet singing "The Eyes of Texas" (the school song of the University of Texas at Austin) to break up a bar brawl; a high-speed chase through downtown Austin involving Austin police, a Lone Star Beer truck, and a limousine; and an outdoor rock concert, the "Rock N Roll Circus", featuring Blondie singing a cover of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire". Notice the racetrack to the above right of the stage, which is supposed to be located somewhere in Idaho. Austinites will recognize it as Manor Downs.

What You Really Want From A Cult Movie, 27 May 2005
10/10
Author: barkingchimp from United States
As an "old guy" with a nervous disposition who has enough trouble sitting through many movies once, the ultimate tribute I can give this great "on the road" rock'n'roll saga is that I watched it numerous times when it was on cable in 1981, I have watched it several dozens of times on VHS, and now that it's on DVD, I have watched it several times again. You can put a lot of mileage on this road movie. The film has a rock'n'roll backdrop—a backdrop we rarely see from the workingman's eye the way we do here. The movie gives us what amounts to real-world views of several 70's favorites (Meatloaf, Alice Cooper, Blondie, etc.). It has a great premise, the howling self-reliant "Everything Works If You Let It" theme. It also enjoys a background soundtrack that fires on all twelve cylinders. But what keeps me watching the film is that it is really funny in an honest, straight-forward way that we have enjoyed far too seldom since Hollywood started grinding out its cookie-cutter farces in the wake of "Airplane." The dual surprises of the film are the really solid performances put in by Alice Cooper and Meatloaf in their respective roles as rock star and roadie. I am unqualified in my admiration of this movie, but I will tightly qualify the people to whom I would suggest the film. This is a "cult" movie in the most real sense of the word and anyone who is made nervous by rock music, farce that is outside of the "Scary Movie" mainstream, or three-hundred pound leading men (Meatloaf) should avoid this movie at all costs. Also, there is a certain good IL' boy mentality at work here that will not play for some parts of the audience. But to the core audience of the film, these are not qualifications, they are recommendations. The thing I am saddest about is that the movie's soundtrack is no longer available. The soundtrack was worth having simply for the long and messy "Brainlock" which plays during one of the few really funny car chases in the history of film.

FUN MOVIE, 30 June 2001
9/10
Author: Jimmy (kingblueboy) from NEW YORK
Roadie is a fun movie with a chance to see some rock and rollers on the screen. Meatloaf stars and plays a roadie (big stretch there) who is great at fixing stuff and inventing things. A talent he picked up from his Dad played by the unforgettable Art Carney (the one and only Ed Norton from The Honeymooners). Well Meatloaf hits the road and helps the likes of Debbie Harry and her band Blondie, Alice Cooper, Hank Williams Jr among others. Blondie really sound great singing Ring of Fire. The movie is fun and humorous.

Rock and roll cult movie, 16 August 2005
Author: michaelbauers from United States
This movie, in my opinion has many of the features of a cult classic.

The acting is uneven, the comedy is uneven, and the plot is a cliché.

But the movie is worth watching (as a cult movie,) for a number of reasons.

1) Ecletic and enjoyable sound track including a fun cover of Ring of Fire (and you can't experience too many covers of Ring of Fire.) 2) A mix of different comic elements such as an amusing car chase, and Forest Gump like moments where Redfish is simply in the right place at the right time 3) Great rock and roll cameos 4) Occasional surreal moments, if you like that kind of thing

Another part I found refreshing was doing a rock and roll movie involving a groupie with no gratuitous sex or nudity. I have nothing against those things, but its refreshing to see a movie that had no need for them.

If you take the movie seriously for a minute, or are looking for a consistent style of humor you will be disappointed. You need to be the sort of person who likes off beat movies simply because they are offbeat.

Should be a cult classic, 26 February 1999
Author: Sir_B from USA
This was a great movie and if you're into American pop music culture and history I think you would enjoy this movie greatly.

Meatloaf stars as Travis W. Redfish, an engineering genius who ends up being a rock and roll roadie and gaining the reputation as the greatest roadie that ever lived. He ends up in this situation when the bus carrying groupie Lola Bouilliabase breaks down on a stretch of road near Travis' home town.

Art Carney is wonderful as Travis' father and junkyard owner and the movie is full of cameo appearances by the likes of Debbie Harry, Roy Orbison, Alice Cooper (who Lola is in love with) and has music from a wide variety of 80's artists.

I was so impressed when I saw this movie I went out and bought the soundtrack, which is a double fold out album with pictures and some background information.

I also liked the movie slogan "The Bands make it rock, but the Roadies make it roll"

I think "Roadie" is deserving of cult-classic status, but unfortunately I don't think very many people saw it. I have not seen it in a video store to buy or rent in over 10 years.

A wonderfully raucous'n'rowdy rock'n'roll riot, 6 January 2006
9/10


*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Sheer, unbridled, let it all hang out somethin' crazy lunacy is the order of the day in this raucous rock'n'roll comedy which features the almighty Meatloaf in a disarmingly sweet and robust performance as Travis W. Redfish, a naive, innocent, but eager, resourceful and quick-thinking Texas hillbilly whose natural skillfulness with electronic equipment gets him a gig as a dependable roadie supreme on a frantic traveling rock show. Redfish's off-beat initiation into the sprawling fracas of the manic, anything-goes nuttiness and rootlessness of the peripatetic rock'n'roll lifestyle hooks him up with flighty underage aspiring groupie Lola Bouillabaisse (an endearingly daffy'n'dippy portrayal by thin, perky, squeaky-voiced "Porky's" film regular Kaki Hunter), who wants to surrender her virginity to Alice Cooper.

Artsy-fartsy art-house pic maestro Alan Rudolph's uncommonly boisterous, freewheeling, wild-spirited direction allows the skimpy plot to spiral delightfully out of control, punctuating the goofy, insane and increasingly surreal mayhem with mondo destructo car chases, frenzied barroom fights, divinely asinine dope humor, and hilariously crude dumb redneck gags. Besides the two terrific leads, the excellent supporting cast includes Art Carney as Redfish's cranky inventor pop, "Soul Train"'s Don Cornelious as a mean promoter, Joe Spano as a sleazy manager, Gailard Sartain as a rowdy truck driver, and Sonny Carl Davis (Cowboy in the splendid seriocomic indie sleeper "Last Night at the Alamo")as a perpetually inebriated hanger-on. Moreover, there are uniformly outstanding musical appearances by Hank Williams, Jr., Roy Orbison (in one of the movie's funniest moments Roy and Hank pacify a brawling tavern audience by breaking into an impromptu a cappella duet on "The Eyes of Texas"!), Ramblin' Jack Elliot, Asleep at the Wheel, Blondie (who do a great thrashy New Wave rave-up rendition of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"), and, of course, Alice Cooper. In short, this gloriously gaga, sometimes downright bizarre, and frequently berserk romp certainly has the correct right-on rambunctious rock'n'roll attitude, thereby making it one of Alan Rudolph's breeziest, more accessible, most unpretentious and hence quite hugely enjoyable pictures that he's ever made.

The Great American Movie? Yes Indeed, 29 May 1999
10/10
Author: gordo-31 from Bryan, Texas
A movie that skips lightly between bright open plains and scuttling armadillos, dark bars, concert halls, and endless humor without breaking the soundtrack can only result in the dread brainlock. The only movie even close to this in spirit is "Get Crazy", which you probably won't see due to its open advocacy of psychoactive drugs.

Roadie is a silly movie, but it has its moments. My husband & I still have our occasional brain locks. We saw this on HBO in about 1980, and hadn't seen it since, but still talked about it. We found it on DVD last month and we laughed and sometimes said oh--didn't Blondie look really good then, and Hank Williams Jr. was kinda tame. We liked it. Some times it is over the top, but most times is kinda sweet and the music is not bad, except the title version of Everything Works if you Let It (there is another version which is not so bad in the movie) by Cheap Trick. Alice Cooper is fun to watch, but not as much fun as Meatloaf, and luckily they got Art Carney to play Dad.
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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The cover story, 11 September 2008
10/10
Author: suchenwi (suchenwi@o2online.de) from Konstanz, Germany
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I really love this piece, which I drew for €2 from the bargain bin. Not expecting very much, I was excited from the moment the Shiner Beer truck appeared.. (Shiner Bock is my favorite brew when in TX.) But there seems to be a fatal case of mismanagement here. The original MGM DVD cover shows a cleavage and navel, and not much else, so you'd expect it to be a sex movie (though it's - justly - cleared for age 6 and older in Germany). It's just a country/rock romantic comedy, no sex please... :) I suppose it didn't sell well here. So what did management do? They added a cardboard cover around the DVD, which still had the original poster image, but framed with the words "MUSIC FILM" and some notes at top and bottom. The blurb on the back was somehow reformulated too, but obviously the mismarketing failed again. Pity for them.. lucky for me, so I could buy this cult gem for a trifle.

I enjoyed it so much, and had some laugh-out-loud moments. Meat Loaf is really convincing in all his tribulations, and Kaki Hunter has strong weird charms. Roy Orbison, Blondie and "you Cooper?" also strongly contributed to this experience, which I for the first time rank as a feel-very-good movie :) I watched it twice the first night, and will often again.
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3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Slows a bit, but a great movie to listen to while doing something else., 6 March 2005
10/10
Author: poor_shaggy from United States
The movie slows down abit after the Austin bar fight scene. But before, the movie is tight and has good dialog. I probably am biased because I am from Texas.

Everything from Roy Orbinson, to the Shiner beer truck to the armadillos, and especially to Muhamed Johnson mispronouncing Redfish's name is great. Other than King of the Hill it is probably the best caricature of Texas that I have seen.

Now as a band cameo movie it isn't that great but Meatloaf in brainlock is worth watching just to hear what he says.

The Dictionary:

- A -

AAA -- "When you need a tow....." The one guy in the group that can pull the rest of the group back home after a very hard training ride.
Aaaarg! Ahab! --  When your riding buy has just abused you by beating you on a sprint, climb or some other prime.  Traditional  response is "Captains got a wooden leg, (repeated)"  (In a high pitch voice, similar to that of a pirate's parrot.)  The meaning of the reply is that you have just been beaten souny and are spent and must now acknowledge the beating just administered.
Abdou', Doing an Abdou' -- Crashing while sprinting. (After 1991 final stage of the Tour).
All show and no go -- A not so good rider with a state of the art bike and gear.
Amateur mark -- Grease mark on the leg (like a Cat. 5 tattoo or a sprocket bite.)
animal -- Unhuman rider. Someone who rides up mountains in a 100 inch gear.
ate straw -- Lost the line in a tight corner.
Auld Wart -- (Pronounced: "Owwld Waaaaert.") Referring to the old, tough, wizzened guys who have been going out and doing 150 miles at a constant 8 mph every Sunday for the last 70 years. Believed to have been derived from "Old Stalwart", rather than warts of the carbuncular type!
autobus -- In the big tour mountain stages, the group of poor climbers, whostick together and help each other finish inside the time limit.  Also called the gruppetto or the laughing group.
Azurri -- Members of the Italian national squad.
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- B -

back to basics -- No heart rate monitor or computer. When a roadie says: "I'm back to basics!" his hane bar should be clean.
bagwell -- A region of debris at the intersection of two roads. The debris is swept into a triangular shape by vehicles going ahead, across, and turning right. Bagwells are a hazard to Roadies, but are often mined by Freds for tools, coins, hardware, small parts, and recyclable materials. Bagwells are named after Bryan Bagwell, the Arizona, USA bicyclist and philosopher who first studied and classified them.
Balls are in the purse - When your buddy either won't ride with you or he is exceptionally weak and timid.  "Get your balls back from your girlfriends purse!"  "You must have left your balls in your purse!".
bake, baked -- Overtrained.
ball tearer -- A very steep though short hill.
BANG! -- According to Stephan J. in Oz, this one had its origins with his mad opera singing roadie mate. It is used to emphasise an action that occurs quickly, i.e. "When I got to the bottom of the hill, BANG!, I attacked." Mulitple BANGS! are used quite often in roadie speak.
base mileage -- You only got on the bike twice this week, and your weekly total is less than 50 miles.
battle scars -- Permanent road rash souvenirs.
Beaten like a rented mule -- see off the back.
bed stick -- What happens the morning after a biff.
bed suck -- When your bed pulls you under and won't let you get out to train.
biff -- Crash.
big meat -- Large chainring.
billy goat -- Superb climber.
bit-a-bit -- See: chaingang.
bloater -- A rider with more muscle than you. See: Fat boy.
blow, blow snot -- Put a finger to a nostril, turn head and BLOW!
blow your ring -- To go too hard and end up cooked, especially in the mide of nowhere. "I ended up blowing my ring and having to grovel about 60 km home."
blow up-- bonk.
bombing - Going very well, similar to driving.  "...I was f**king bombing it "
bonk, bonked -- Running out of energy while riding.
bowling for dollars -- A rider crashes and takes down most or all of the Peloton.
box someone in -- Move sideways such that your opponent can't pass. Used in sprints.
brain bucket -- Helmet.
brick -- Bad climber, good descender. Opposite of: kite.
bubba -- (Southern USA) A rude driver, usually in a pickup truck. Can also be used to describe probability of encounter, i.e., "That loop is about a 2 bubba ride." When encountering a bubba, the best response is to smile and wave - that irritates them more than any other response without increasing the os they will come back and make a road pizza out of you...
bucked off -- This term is used for the guy who just hammered the pace line only to get dropped by the next guy's pull.
bug gulp -- Swallowing a flying insect whole, without chewing.
bug gag -- The bug is too big to go down easily.
bunny hop -- Jump over railroad tracks, potholes, curbs, or other riders.
Bunter (Billy Bunter) - similar to Fred - those guys riding to/from work flat out always trying to smash you, yet always get dropped in any race.
burger -- Crash. "He really burgered..."
bushed -- completely exhausted.
bus stop flop -- that humiliating experience when you fail to click out fast enough at a stop sign or intersection and flop over on your side.
bust a gut -- To ride hard, especially when trying to keep up. "I was busting a gut to keep up with that hammerhead!"
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- C -

Campag -- (Brit. Abbrev.) Campagnolo. Gruppos from God! (All except for that Athena crap...)
Campy -- (U.S. Abbrev.) Campagnolo. Gruppos from Gawd! (All except for that Chorus crap...)
campy -- Crass, flashy, garish, gaudy. (Sort of like Campy!)
Camp Granola -- Campagnolo, frequent incorrect first reading of the trademark.
cannibal -- Inhumane rider. Eats 'stiques for lunch.
Cannonwhale, Cannonsnail, Cannonball, Cannonwheel -- Cannondale.
carpet fiber -- a carbon fiber bike
carpet sprint -- What happens when you ride off the rollers.
carrot choppers -- Spinergy wheels.
cat and mouse -- Vying for sprint position.
Cat. 5 tatoo -- Grease mark left on the calf from an inexperienced racer (or spaced veteran) leaning up against his chainring. (This is a popular dis in Miami.)
Cat. 7 -- Synonym for Fred.
Cat. 7 move -- A move so inherently stupid and/or dangerous that even a beginning racer or a squirrel wouldn't do it.
caveman -- Someone who's going well.
cavemanned it -- Rode hard.
chaingang -- Very fast training where everybody goes through the line. A large scale team time trial.
charcoal -- Carbon fiber frame.
cheap gap -- When someone runs through traffic or runs a light to get a gap.
chewing hanebar tape -- (Brit./Wirral) This occurs when you are suffering so much that you find yourself head down over the hanebars and you are chewing the tape on your hanebars (in the vain hope, I think, that you might find some energy from it.) Usage: "When we got to the climb I was chewing my hane bar tape".
the chop -- The arrangement whereby riders help each other during a race and share any prize money won. Also called the "joke". One is said to be "in the chop". Illegal, but usual in a country (= Australia) where legal teams are rare.
chopping block -- In a handicap race, the riders who start just ahead of the scratch bunch. (The term comes from their usually hopeless position. They are too far back in the field to win and not fast enough to get the fastest time award).
Cleat Surfing -- A near fall by getting out of your cleat, like Zabel did in the 1999 Tour.
College Boy -- Anyone that doesn't work 40+ hours per week.
compound disappearing hill -- A hill where no matter how long you climb, you're never more than half the way up.
computer geek -- Anybody that spends more than thirty bucks on a cycling computer.
cooked -- Running out of energy while riding.
coffee klatch -- See: tea party.
corncob -- A 13-18 or 12-19 'straight block' fw/cassette that is the gearing of choice for die-hard roadies, (in Nebraska!)
crack&fail, crimp-and-fail -- See Cannonwhale.
cramp-and-go-slow -- Campagnolo.
crayon -- A crash that results in major road rash.
creamed -- Cream crackered. Knackered. Very tired.
creeping - going very bad.
crit twit -- Criterium ace.
coupon, bike coupon -- certificates implicitly granted by spouses, significant others, or bosses which permit participation in cycling related activity. Bike coupons have a fixed value, so that longer and more disruptive activities cost more coupons. Usage: "I can't make the 'Four Hours From Here' Crit tomorrow, I spent too many Bike Coupons on the 'Three Day Weekend' Omnium last week."
cyclometer -- Cycle computer.
Cytocrust -- The sludge that forms on your bike and body after a day or riding and drinking (and spilling) Cytomax.

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- D -

DAL -- Dead-ass last, next best thing to DNF.
DFL -- Dead fuckin' last.
DNF -- Did not finish.
dancing on the pedals -- What you do when you ride away from everyone else on a climb.
dangle 'em off the front -- Keeping a breakaway within sight but not closing the gap so as to let them fry themselves up front.
danseuse, "a la danseuse" -- (French: Like a dancer.) When you get out of the sade on a steep incline.
Deathmaster -- (Brit./Wirral) Referring to clincher tyres that were fine in the dry, but as soon as it rained, everybody using them fell off on the first corner.
dead turn -- A time trial turning where you just do a U-turn in the mide of the road. (Banned in most of the UK.)
death ride -- Training ride so hard that everyone is incoherant afterwards.
deep-dish wheels -- Aero disc wheels.
degueuler, "faire degueuler sa bouillie" -- (French: To make someone barf his/her gruel.) Riding hard to try to drop someone.
Delgado, do a Delgado -- Show up late for a race/ride.
devo -- Developmental team rider.
dime roll -- See: corncob.
diesel -- Someone who can churn along at a steady pace for a long pull.
dine off the big plate -- Use the big ring.
In the dining car -- sitting at the back of the peloton.
dinner plate -- The big ring. (As opposed to the salad plate.)
doggin' it -- Sitting on and getting paced for a later attack.
doing the bungee --  This is used to describe the continuous wheelsucking / drafting of a riding partner.  (being pulled along by attaching a bungee cord).
Doing the Zabel -- see Cleat surfing. 
double -- Measure of distance. "I did a double bottle (or) double bonk."
double clanger -- English for double chainring.
drag strip -- A very fast TT course , usually a traffic assisted dual carriageway.
driver --  Someone always on the front upping the tempo eg Hes a hell driver.
driving -- When youre having a good day - eg. I was f**king driving the break.
dummy -- Spat the dummy', as in 'he spat the dummy'. Used in Australia. A 'dummy' is a baby's pacifier. This means 'got dropped' (off the back).
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- E -

Eie Bullshit -- Coaching tips of dubious worth. "He learned it all from E.B."
Elvis -- "I was seeing Elvis!" I was hurting real bad out there. (Stolen from Clara Hughes on CBC during 1994 TdF Femme coverage.) Opposite of: Tesh.
Erwin, doing an Erwin -- When a rider riding at the front sets a heavy tempo that the rest of the bunch don't wanna do, hence he tends to roll off the front on his own. The Erwin came about from the 93' Tour when Erwin Nijboer from Benesto was setting a heavy tempo in the front of the peloton. Big Mig rolls through the bunch up to the front called out "Erwin, Erwin" then flicks his head back to indicate "Slow down, I don't want you to set this tempo."
EWD -- Extreme Wiener Discomfort, (aka: penile numbness).
Eyeballs Out -- Going very hard, generally up to a break.
Back to Directory
 

- F -

fat boy -- A rider with more muscle than you, (especially above the waist.)
FDGB -- Fall down, go boom. Usually accompanied by dirty looks from the
stoker.
February legs -- That heavy, stoney feeling in your thighs.
feeling the chain -- A good pull; a good burn. "I was feeling the chain after that pull."
filcked, flicked -- Dropped from the group.
flat liner -- A rider who is good on the flat, but as soon as the road goes up, gets shelved .
flathead calves -- Legs that are in fatless form.
fork plant -- What happens after you realize that your front skewer wasn't as tight as it should have been...
foxing  --  Deliberately riding bay, in the hope of getting a better handicap.  An ancient Australian tradition in the weeks before a big race.
Fred -- Anyone who is marching to the beat of a different drummer. A newbie.
Freida -- Female Fred.
Freight Train -- Big guys that take a long time to get up to speed then hold a VERY fast pull at the front while everyone barely hangs on over the flats.
friction -- Forget all that integrated indexed crap, good old friction this is the system of choice for retro-grouches.
fridge magnet -- a wheel sucker, someone who does no work at the front.
fried -- Overtrained.
funmeter -- heart rate monitor.
furry frisbee -- Road kill; road pizza; flattened fauna.
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- G -

gapping someone off the back -- Riders in a break take turns creating a gap at the back and bridging, with a non-working break member on their wheel, forcing the non-working member to jump repeatey.
Garanimal -- A novice, devo animal.
gentle jaunt -- See: nooing.
ginchy -- A bike part that is new and pretty cool. "Nice ginchy stem!"
ginzooed -- What happens to your leg or knee when a spoke on a Spinergy wheel delaminates from the rim.
girlie -- (Aust.) Aussie term for Trixie.
go till ya' blow -- Self explanitory.
going like... a donkey/a bag of shit/a girl -- Riding bay. (Ed: obviously not all roadies are PC!)
gone, he's gone -- A roadie that doesn't join the bunch ride at 7:00 am Sat/Sun Morning because of either: a) a new girlie, or b) pressure from the Mrs. (Usage: "Where's Mark?" "He's gone!")
goo, goop -- Carbo gel.
good set -- Several good waves in close succession. "I got spat out one good wave and caught a second straight away, good set!"
good wave -- A truck that you managed to catch just right and clocked up 50 km/h following for a few minutes before you lost them or blew up - "That was a good wave, if only I hadn't been spat out." (See: surfing.)
goose, goosed -- Nudged off balance; knocked off your sled.
granny gear -- a very low gear, say 39 x 28.  (So low your grandmother could turn it).
gravity sled --  the effect of normal people and gravity.  The tag given to people who pass those on the way down who passed them on the way up.
gravity tattoo -- The scar on your skin that is a permanent reminder of a serious crash.
greased out -- See: biff.
grenaded -- You blew up. Also, catastrophic equipment failure, eg: "His derailleur granaded, dude!"
grid -- a bike.
grind -- Pedal slowly in a big gear.
grovel -- A hill you end up in your lowest gear for. "That hill was a real grovel." Also used on the flat when you have blown your ring.
grovelling -- Riding bay.
gruppetto -- In the big tour mountain stages, the group of poor climbers, whostick together and help each other finish inside the time limit.  Also called the autobus or the laughing group.
gut spray, gopher juice -- What gets splattered over your legs when a truck runs over fresh road pizza.
gutterball -- Strung out in the gutter in a crosswind.
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- H -

4-H training -- Headwinds, hills, heat and humidity; all at the same time!
habble to the gallop -- (Scots.) When you want to do a muscle popping sprint. "Habble to the Gallop, Lads!"
half-wheel hell -- Riding with a hammerhead.
hammer, drop the hammer -- See: throw down the hammer.
hammerhead -- Someone who refuses to EVER ride easy.
hammerfest -- A brutally fast ride or race.
hill -- Anything you have to change down a gear for.
hill, big -- Anything you have to change down more than one gear for.
hit list -- These are the riders that have attcked and dropped you when you have been down on form, or comming back from an injury. Usage: "When I get back in form, those pricks are on my hit list."
hit the wall -- (1) Bonking. (2) What happens after you depart from your rollers very unexpectey.
honking -- Getting out of the sade.
hoopski -- When you have gone so hard and  your ring hangs out (like a hoop).
horse -- Bicycle.
hot stuff -- Disenfectant to heal tar burns. "Give me the hot stuff."
human crayons -- Cat. 5 racers.
human lung -- A rider who doesn't need to breathe while everone else is gasping.
hunger knock, hunger flat -- Bonk.
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- I -

"I'm at the end of a hard training session." -- What you say when an MTB rips past you on a hill.
"I'm at the end of a hard training session." -- What you say when an MTB dusts you on a flat.
invisible hill -- A headwind.
interval -- What you do when a dog is chasing you.
iron, ironclad -- A steel bike.
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- J -

Jaboffo, Jaboff -- An ancient term (mid 70's) used when describing a Fred.
jam -- Keep a fast pace.
joke -- See "the chop"
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- K -

kicked down -- Rode really fast. "We kicked down on our race last Saturday."
kicking, getting a kicking, getting your head kicked in -- (Brit./Wirral) This occurs when you are up against a rider or group of riders who are going far better than you. You end up getting your proverbial head kicked in. Usage: "Those guys were going so well! They gave me a right kicking" or "They kicked my head in on that last climb". (Chris Boardman uses this one a lot -- displaying his roots perhaps?)
kite -- Good climber, bad descender. Opposite of: brick.
knackered -- Running out of energy while riding.
knock -- Run out of energy while riding. "Got the knock."
knocking and pinging -- Running out of energy while riding uphill.
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- L -

lantern rouge -- (French: Red light.) Awarded to last rider in. (From the red light that hangs on the last car of a train.) laughing group -- The guys just trying to finish the race.
left -- Front. (Left shift lever controls front D.)
light at the end of the tunnel -- DFL. "I saw the light at the end of the tunnel!" (Usually the lantern rouge.)
limit -- The group receiving the biggest start in a handicap. (Australian).  Those who ride off the limit are the limities.
Lloyd -- A triathelete.
Lollipops -- Speedplay pedals.
long thin line -- A pagoda dragon just waiting to happen.
lost the remote -- When your Mavic Zap goes nuts.
lunch(ed) -- To break your equipment, "He lunched his chain/wheel/shifters, et al.
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- M -

Masters -- Those that work more than 40 hours per week
melba--As in melba toast.  Overtrained really bad. 
"burnt melba toast" is even worse.
melon -- Head.
minute man -- The man in front of you in a time trial.
mission -- Ride. "I know where THAT is... That's a long fucking mission from here!"
mobile -- Bicycle.
moocher -- Somebody that never has his own tools.
more yammerin' than hammerin' -- An easy ride.
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- N -

Newton's First Principle -- Fruit Newtons never stay whole for more than 20 miles on any ride!
No cop... no stop! -- (Come on, we all know this one...)
nobodies -- Riders who are not worth chasing when they attack because you know you will catch them a few klicks down the road. Usage: "I don't chase nobodies."
nooe, nooing -- Out for an easy ride; recovery ride.
novice - Fred/Bunter, eg when a bunter attacks you and you pass him a minute later you say to him "...youre a f**king novice mate".
 
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- O -

off from the blocks -- Meaning as soon as you get the go ahead to start, you attack.
on the gear -- A roadie that is allegey taking performance enhancing substances.
on the juice -- As above.
organ donor -- A helmetless rider.
Ouch! -- What you say when you cut yourself while shaving your legs.
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- P -

pace line -- The line of people going through at the front of the bunch.
pagoda dragon -- The snaking motion a long line of racers forms in a straightaway as each guy tries to hang on to the wheel of the guy in front of him.
pack foer -- What you are when you can't crack the top 20 in a race.
parade -- Slow part of race.
the pea -- The rider chosen by his team to win the race by sprinting.
pea picking -- Same as "gapping someone off the back"
peg -- The scratch mark in a handicap. (Australian).
pegging the funmeter -- reaching max heart rate on a tough ride.
perf -- Flat. "Too bad, right perf!"
permafour -- A rider who will be a life-time (permanent) Category 4.
piano -- Going very slowly in a road race. "They rode the first 20 miles piano."
pisser, "faire pisser le chien" -- (French: To take the dog out for a leak.) To have an easy ride.
played speed bump -- Biffed at the front of the pack.
Plastic Fantastic - composite frame.
poacher -- A person that rides with the participants in a charity ride but does not pay the entry fee.
podium pose -- What the sponsors pay you for.
pooch polo -- This is the time-honored tradition of using a frame pump to dissuade the pursuing dog from having your leg for lunch. (Midwestern USA term.)
popped -- Blown.
poser exposer-- Any big enough hill that when ridden at speed will dropsome riders in the pack, thus exposing them as posers.
potty stop -- That short break you sometimes need to get rid of your superfluous fluids.
potty finger --  When your riding partner has taken offense to something said or done to him/her, the partner extends the middle finger of either hand in the traditional manner.  Also used to let the person in front of you know their barb or action has struck home.
PowerBarf -- Maybe that Berry bar wasn't such a good idea after all...
pray the rosary -- What you do when you suddenly realize that the line you're on will bisect the bale of hay/car/wall in front of you.
PREEM! -- What you yell at the Cat. 4 who rhymes "prime" with "time".
Prime-Madonna -- Obnoxious prime racer.
pump the big meat -- Push a big gear.
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- Q -

Quaddess -- an upper catagory woman, one with epic quads as in mythologic Greek proportions.
Quad-God -- male equivalent of "quaddess".

- R -

ramp -- A hill, usually a pretty good hill.
real cyclist -- You are only a Real Cyclist when the net worth of your cycling equipment exceeds the net worth of your automobile(s) by a factor of >= 3!
retro-grouch -- A roadie with a friction ironclad and not a gram of titanium anywhere.
Reverse attack --see off the back.
rice and potatoes -- What the College Boys eat. (Why waste money on food when you need a pair of Ti skewers!)
rig -- Bicycle.
got the rig -- When you run out of gas in a sprint.
ring sting -- synonym for sprocket bite.
right -- Rear. (Right shift lever controls the rear D.)
rivet, put to the rivet, on the rivet -- Pace is so fast you think you're gonna see Elvis. (This is a reference to Brooks Pro saddles which have copper rivets.)
road pizza -- Road kill; furry frisbees; flattened fauna.
road rash -- Abrasion from sliding on pavement after a crash.
roadie -- Cyclists that like to put their rubber on something HARD!
roadie mate -- A cycling buy. The person who calls your significant other after a really bad crash. (Significant others are seldom roadie mates...)
rough stuff -- Gravel, shoulder of the road.
rubberband -- When your attack fails, the pack catches you and spits you out the back.
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- S -

S.K. -- Schwanz Kompression. (German: numb nuts.)
salad plate -- The small ring. (As opposed to the dinner plate.)
saucer -- A track
sawed off -- Stuck in the back group when the pack splits.
selle, "avoir la selle dans le trou du cul" -- (French: To have the saddle in the asshole.) To go at one's maximum. See: rivet.
shat out -- Dropped.
shelled out the back -- The most violent form of being dropped.
shit -- The ever versatile slang word:
  • Road: "Why does this shit always happen in front of me?"
  • Mt: "At 20 miles is where they took us through the 6 inch deep shit."
  • Track: "On the last corner is where the shit hit the fan."
  • Trials: "It seems like I do better when I don't give a shit."
  • Touring: "I wonder where I can take a shit?"
ShimaNO -- obviously, friends dont let friends ride ShimaNO.
Shit-mano -- Shimano, used by riders who discover that last year's thingamagic is incompatible with this year's whatyamcallit.
shoot the gap -- Trying to go from the pack to catch the break.
single -- a tubular tyre.
singled out -- No, not an MTV game show... (Yes a couple of programs even made it to England!) When the bunch has become a single pace line.
sit 'n spin -- Those practice sprints in your 42-19.
sitting on -- following a group of riders purely to save energy.
sitting on the sofa -- Sitting in during a large group ride or race.
sketchy -- A dangerous rider or riding style.
skirt ride, wearin' the skirt -- When your girlfriend kicks your (and all the other boys) ass up every hill or if you're feeling execptionally fatigued.  "Thanks for the skirt sweetheart!" , "I need to ditch the skirt!".
slap your melon on the tarmac -- Hit your head on the ground.
sled -- Bicycle.
slinky, caught in the slinky -- What happens in a mixed category race to the riders in the back of the pack when the mide of the pack slows and forces them to sprint back on... in every corner. As in: "I got trashed when I got caught in the slinky."
sloth -- Early season body type.
skid lid -- Helmet.
smash -- like "I'll smash ya on the next ride you bastard".  What you so when you work someone over real bad on a ride.
snake -- Sprinter who knows how to come out of the pack to win a field sprint.
snork, snorking -- (Pacific NorthWest), see blow, blow snot.
snot  -- In northeast England, a very steep short hill.
snot rocket -- See blow, blow snot.
snot shot -- To catch someone's blow. "I got snot shot."
spent -- See: cooked.
spin and grin -- Having a fun time in a low gear.
spit -- Dropped by the pack.
spit out -- A more violent form of getting spit. "Spit out like a sour grape."
sponsor cloth -- The wet washcloth you keep zip-locked in your kit bag. For cleaning up before a podium pose.
sprocket bite -- Grease mark left on the calf from an inexperienced racer (or spaced veteran) leaning up against his chainring (synonym for a Cat. 5 tattoo). Also called ring sting.
spuds -- SPD pedals/cleats.
spun out, hyper-spins -- What one does on downhills in the spring.
squirrel -- That rider who always seems to be in front of the crash that he causes by his obnoxious riding. A rider who rides in a dangerous, unpredictable fashion. The term comes from the way squirrels act when crossing the road, darting back and forth in an attempt to be as unpredictable as possible. Or, the one you aim for with your car after the race to make into road kill.
squirrel cage -- A track
stealth -- Composite frame. "His sponsor put him on stealth this year."
steed -- Bicycle.
straight block, blitzkrieger -- See corncob. A 12-18 or 13-19 freewheel.
strung out -- Fast pace.
sucking diesel -- Cycling very well / very fast (Irish expression). "Now we're sucking diesel !"
sucking wheel -- Drafting.
surf -- Synonym to sittin on the sofa, hiding in the pack trying not to do any work, as in: "I don't care about this race, I'm just gonna surf."
surf cam -- Like car cam. What you call the people looking out of the back of the bus at you busting your gut surfing. "Hey look, we're on surf cam again!"
surfing -- To utilise trucks slipstreams for increased speed and decreased effort for short periods.
swag -- Any prime that isn't cold hard cash.
sweet one -- The high octane bottle.
swinger -- A rider who leads out the "pea" at the finish, then obstructs the rest of the field.
swingin' -- Hanging on for dear life. "I got into a break with Norm Alvis and Steve Hegg and I was swingin' at the back!"
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- T -

tacoed -- What you say about your wheel after it's been badly bent, almost in the shape of a Taco.
tail-ender -- DFL in the overall classification of a stage race.
tailgunning -- Technique for hanging on the back of the pack, allowing gaps but regaining contact whenever the pace slows.
tar burns -- What appears on your body after tar surfing. (If it was only as much fun as receiving carpet burns!)
tar surfing -- Crash on the tarmac.
targets -- Commuter cyclists, those who don't wear cycle shorts and travel at about half your speed.
target practice -- Cycling at rush hour, picking off commuter cyclists left, right and center.
tarmac -- Hard stuff, ground.
taste lung -- Go way anaerobic. Really hammer.
tater -- Collapsing a spoked wheel into that familiar potato chip shape. "Man! When I hit that big chuckhole I tatered my front wheel."
tea party -- See: yammering, coffee klatch.
Ten man/Five man -- The fast seeded men in British time trials. Seeding going in order, 10,5,1,6,2,7,3,8,4,9.
Technicolor yawn --Throw up, vomit.
Tesh -- "I was so Zoned, I thought I heard John Tesh playing." Opposite of: Elvis.
tester -- Term of derision for anyone that can ride faster than you.
through and off -- See: chaingang.
throw down the hammer -- When those really strong guys let you know that they are strong.
Ti -- Titanium.
ti guy -- Titanium-ophile.
tin can -- Any aluminum frame.
toasted -- Overtrained.
Tom Tipp -- Same as squirrel.
tow in -- what you do for a friend after he blows up.
tour guide -- A hammerhead at the front who sets a pace no one else can carry. No one pulls through, and he doesn't mind. Eventually, everyone just settles in and goes along for the ride. "Terry was our Tour Guide heading North on Snowberry the other night."
trailer -- A person in a breakaway who can do little more than hang on the back of the break for dear life. "I got in the break with Chad and Eric, but I was pretty much just a trailer."
tri-head -- A triathlete.
tri-sport, tri-geek -- A friggin' triathlete.
Trixie -- A roadie's spouse.
truck boost -- Taking advantage of a truck's slipstream.
tubie -- Sew up/tubular tire.
Tupperware --  same as plastic fantastic.
turkey tracks -- grease mark on the right calf left by the chainring.
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- U -

ugly -- Hurt.
  • "It's going to be ugly." I'm going to put a hurting on you guys.
  • "It was ugly." They put a hurting on me.
unobtanium -- The newest and most expensive alloy.
used and abused -- Got jumped in the break.
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- V -

Velo Snooze -- The journal of bicycle racing.
vulture -- To circle at the top of a hill waiting for slower "friends".
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- W -

wack, wacked -- Running out of energy while riding.
weekend warrior - see Bunter.
whack your bean -- To hit your head (as in, while falling...)
wheel suck -- Someone who sticks to your ass like snot to a fingernail.
wheel kiss -- The kissing sound made when a wheel suck gets too close and rubber rubs.
wheel fuck(ed) -- When your spokes end up attached to a wheel suck's wheel.
whiner -- Someone who fights the commissars over 19th place.
win hands down -- An easy victory.
wipe out -- To fail to catch a wave while surfing.
wipe out big time -- To crash while surfing.
wipe out really big time -- To crash up the arse of the bus or truck you are surfing.
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