Google Reader (1000+)Really? That’s it? That’s PARANORMAL ACTIVITY? I’m not a hard guy to scare. I’ve gotten the creeps watching A HAUNTING on A&E in the middle of the day. I jump when the phone rings, my doorbell jolts me like electroshock therapy, I have bad dreams about kittens and I can’t stomach the nightly news. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT actually did freak me out. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY? Nothing …nada. I’m not trying to be contrary. I didn’t go in the theater with a chip on my shoulder; I tried very hard to get into this movie. I left my expectations at the door and I imagined it was all happening to me (something that usually works) and still I felt zero fear. What the heck is supposed to be scary in this movie? A blanket falling off the bed? C’mon…really?
Maybe it’s me. Maybe because sleepwalking, hours of lost time, unexplained bite marks and crouching in fear from unseen malevolent forces are such huge parts of my day to day existence that they just don’t freak me out as much as they should on film. I wanted to be scared, I did. I hate people who say they don’t get scared! Still, I don’t get this movie! How is it that this movie struck a nerve with some people? To me it’s just a story about some garden-variety schlub who’s scared of the baggage (i.e. emotional needs) that comes with the gal he just shacked up with. Yea, a Ouji board catches on fire, but the scariest thing in this movie to me was the book on demons that he leafs through. I get subtle horror people, I do; I swear. I don’t need slimy monsters and decapitations. Ugh, maybe I just hated the way the couple depicted decorated thier home. Was she having a crafty beading party at one point? I hate this couple. I think they cut in front of me at the concession stand before the movie and asked for unsalted popcorn.
Oh well, to each his own. I don’t feel ripped off or anything. I don’t feel tricked by the brilliantly creative advertising campaign. I just feel like I got a lap dance from someone that everybody but me is turned on by (wouldn’t be the first time). If you find this movie scary, all I can say is I am sooooo jealous of you. I want to be you right now. I want to sleep with the lights on tonight. I want to double bolt my door and watch SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH until I’m relaxed and stable again. Maybe I should put on [REC] or WOLF CREEK to get to that place. I know, I’ll watch THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT! If only I could get this damn SINEAD O’CONNOR TUNE out of my head…
