Ooh yeshiva deserving crackups – warmongering lectureship!
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You might remember I bought this at the same time I bought the canned pork brains in milk gravy. At the time, I did not fully comprehend that it was an ENTIRE chicken bones and all inside the can.
BTW you can’t see it but under the lettuce, on the far right it says “serving suggestion”. Yeah, why not also suggest you poop gold and fart jet fuel? It is also without giblets, don’t want to know what they did with those.
Here are the serving suggestions. I decided to roast it according to the instructions provided for the purest experience. It had been chilling in my fridge for a month at least before I opened it today.
When you open the can, this is what you see. Little chicken knuckles poking out from the schmaltz. I initially wanted to pull out the chicken and reserve the broth in the can, but the bones were too wiggly, so I had to pour it out.
Wow, Sweet Sue doesn’t look so sweet upside down.
My 3 year old was fascinated. That’s chocolate on his face, btw from the other taste test we did today.
And it’s out!
Close up of some sort of something. All I know is that it wasn’t the giblets, as those are not included.
I poured all of this off to roast the chicken.
Goofball wanted to make sure I got a picture of his whole face!
Bowl of reserved goo. Realized I did not in fact want to keep it and tossed it down the garbage disposal. I did taste it (the broth part, not the fat globs and mystery bits) with my finger and it was very weak like somebody had just dunked a chicken in some water.
Out of the oven after 15+ minutes at 475 as instructed. It never did get brown.
It was really scrawny!
And the taste? There really wasn’t any. The white meat was a bit more cottony than the dark meat, but it all tasted like all the flavor had been cooked out. Sort of like the little bits of chicken in condensed chicken noodle soup. I thought before cooking it that I might use the meat in some sort of chicken salad, like you’d use canned chunk chicken breast but this is seriously lacking and I don’t think anyone would eat it. I am going to strip the meat and put it out for the neighborhood cats (not in front of my house though!) it doesn’t seem too salty or anything, so I think it will be okay.
You can see all my Chicken in a Can Photos here.
Or, admire my skill in typing while dry heaving
Front of can of pork brains with milk gravy, Rose brand
Front of can of pork brains with milk gravy, Rose brand
About a month ago, there was a thread on the IHMMB forums linking to a Consumerist post called “The Worst Food Product Ever May Have Been Found“. I was surprised how many people had never heard of pork brains in milk gravy, as I’ve seen them in many grocery stores, near the Spam and canned corned beef hash. So, of course I went and bought a can. I couldn’t find the Armour brand, but I think off brand pork brains are probably just as good.
You might have noticed that both cans have the brains nestled in scrambled eggs. That’s how they are served here and you can even find them on some restaurant menus. I’ve never seen anyone order it, but I always like it when I see it on the menu. It gives me that “ahhh, I’m not eating at no dang corporate chain, no I’m eating at the restaurant of the people. The eggs n’ brains eating dadgummed heart of America” feeling.
Pork brains ingredients
Ewww nitrites!
Pork brains nutrition information 1
I’m glad they didn’t try to pull that one can equals two servings crap. Do you share your can of Sirloin Burger? I think not.
Pork brains nutrition information 2
The famous 10 days worth of cholesterol in one serving but who knew that pork brains had vitamin C?
Okay, you’re right, I was totally stalling on opening the can.
Open can of pork brains
The smell that came out of the can was like ground up vienna sausages mixed with particularly strong canned dog food. The cheap kind, not the kind that is better than what most people eat. I can still smell it, but maybe that’s because I haven’t taken out the trash yet.
Brains on a plate! Brains on a plate!
I tipped the can out onto a plate and that’s when my stomach really started to clench up and I became woozy and light-headed. I’d thought about scrambling up some eggs and tucking it inside to see if I could make it look like the picture on the front of the can but all the blood was rushing out of my head and I couldn’t imagine making it that far without vomitting or falling down. It felt as if I couldn’t walk and it was all I could do to set up the camera to take a picture. Of course, my tripod was wobbling (it’s one of those bendy legged ones) and I felt a sudden fear that my camera would fall into the pork brains and felt as though I might cry.
Brains bring up some deep seated taboo and it distresses me to even look at them. If pigs have souls, surely they must live in the brain. And surely pigs must have souls, otherwise people wouldn’t make so many movies about them. And to eat, or even touch the house of another living being’s soul or scramble it with eggs, why that’s sacrilege. Let’s hope that there is really no such thing as zombies, for if there are, and one gets me, I’ll be in a doozy of a pickle then.
However, since I’m nothing if not dedicated to my work as a person who blogs about stuff so people will pay attention to her, I did dip my pinkie finger in the milk gravy and have a small taste. It was salty and made me shudder. I thought perhaps I ought to give it a poke but I couldn’t make my fingers do it, so I dumped the whole thing in the garbage disposal and let the water run a good long time.
I am also wondering why the milk gravy. So, I wrote Armour (I couldn’t find Rose’s website):
Hi! I was wondering why your pork brains, and indeed all the brands of pork brains I have ever seen, are packed in milk gravy. Is it for taste or does the milk act as a preservative?
Thanks!
Tracy
I will let you know if I get an answer. Until then, enjoy this video of some fools eating Rose pork brains in milk gravy.
The End! (I refuse to speculate as to what that dark matter on the bottom might be)