Favrd.Milli Vanilli x 1,000,000 = a million vanillion, which is also the guest list for my dream orgy. Girl, you know it's true.
DrBadhands (Malus Manus ) from New Jersey
3
My animal control business is doomed if the DMV won't let me get my PUSSPTRL plates.
jkubicek (jimk) from Richmond, VA
So he's a 'time-travelling' husband who sometimes just disappears? Wow... that's brilliant. I have to try that with MY secret second-family.
secretsquirrel (Ryan) from the timekept city
5
It is just stupid to sweat THIS MUCH and not have an orgasm in the process. We need some special attachments for the treadmill. NOW.
apricotica (Adrien Chock) from Silly Cone Valley
4
Sometimes I give away things and say 'it's ok, i'll take your soul as payment.'
And they laugh.
And I laugh because I own their soul.myracles (myr) from Jumping in the air
13
Does anyone else think Nancy Grace looks to be constantly in a state of Glamour Shots?
nonlinearmind (Jon C) from Washington DC Burbs
3
I just cleaned a microwave that was used by at least 8 college boys. Can I hear an ewwwwwww? Because I have no words.
JeeNeeBee (Jeannie B) from Michigan
4
imagine a nice, relaxing massage. then, imagine your mom is the masseuse and she's mad at you for not doing you dishes.
Erinmack (EMack) from Cambridge, MA
"He seems nice."
"He seems like he'd cut us just to see our blood."
"Yeah, but in a nice way. Like he'd just skin our knees or something."damndanm (Dan M) from Lil' Rhody
She totally blows my mind and I only think with my dick.
roughdiction from Br00klyn
18
I may not have contributed anything to the GNP, but I did eat a whole bag of mini Oreos today. #simpleactsofheroism
trixieboots (Trixie Longboots) from In the Illa
If I eat this piece of plastic fork that broke off in my quiche, I think I'll be an omnivore. And nobody fucks with quiche-eating omnivores.
RexHuppke (Rex Huppke) from Chicago
I need to get laid or get out of the suburbs. Saw a skinny tattooed boy on a bicycle and nearly ran him off the road in order to mount him.
AinsleyofAttack (Ainsley Drew) from Norman, Oklahoma
Who would win in a fight between a strawberry, a raspberry and a grape?
Me. I'd wait for the fruit punch and drink it!!
I need a hobby.myracles (myr) from Jumping in the air
Will the eight bottles of wine I have had for about 10 years still be good to drink? I'm asking for a friend. A loser friend.
ange_black (angela black) from Toronto
4
With no spousal supervision, I just bought presents for my kid's birthday and booze for vacation. If the recession ends today, that was me.
adamisacson (Adam Isacson) from Washington, DC
31
If all you've got at the checkout is Visine, pipe cleaners & Twinkies?
We're on to you man.Alter_ed (Edwina) from The internet. Duh.
Pimp Game: G's up, hoes down, b-a, b-a, select, start.
InSoOutSo (JT) from OH
10
I named my dingaling Crinkle Tatum, but its stage name is Stumper Dakota.
jabonguge from Astoria, OR
3
My take on premarital sex? Why, I subscribe to the Zenith philosophy: The Quality goes in before the Name goes on.
imajinarie (Tim H.) from Indy
4
