DUBBED BY BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA'S NEWS MEDIA, WBRZ-TV, "THE GREAT LOUISIANA WINTER STORM OF 2008," this FREAK BLIZZARD LEFT MOTORISTS STRANDED IN AUTOMOBILES, FROZEN AND ICEBOUND THIS MORNING, AS THE 'SUPERSLIDE' (CB TERM USED BY LONG-HAUL TRUCKERS FOR HUEY P. LONG-BUILT, MISSISSIPPI RIVER BRIDGE, SPANNING BATON ROUGE TO 'PORT OF ALLEN') BECAME A PARKIING LOT/BRIDGE TO SNOW-WHERE.
THE SUBARCTIC, MORNING METAMORPHOSES TURNED INTO A FROZEN BUTTERFLY-AFTERNOON IN THE USUALLY BALMY, SUB-TROPICAL CAPITAL OF LOUISIANA, WHERE THERMOMETERS WERE RENDERED INCAPABLE OF RECORDING TEMPERATURES IN STANDARD MEASUREMENT OF FAHRENHEIT OR CELSIUS.
[AND TRUST ME, LOUISIANA DOES NOT LOOK GOOD IN KELVIN.]
MANY SPORTSMAN AND COMMUTERS ARE BRAVING THE VARIOUS SUPER WALMART'S AND THEIR HYPO-HYPOTHERMIC AISLES, WHERE THE ONLY THING CHILLIER THAN A FROZEN STOUFFER'S MEAT LOAF TV DINNER, OR HALF-PINT OF 'CHERRY GARCIA' ICE CREAM (NOW THE TEXTURE OF DINOSAUR FECES), IS SAM WALTON'S CRYOGENICALLY PRESERVED LEGACY.
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, WHOLE FOODS' CLIENTELE ARE BEHAVING AS IF TRAPPED IN A PHILLIP K. DICK NOVEL'S SUBZERO, REFRIGERATED MIRROR-WORLD. WELL-DRESSED, SMART LOOKING PROFESSIONALS GRAB CANS OF REFRIED BEANS AND 94% FAT-FREE GROUND CHUCK, WHILE THE DOMESTIC BEER HAS BEEN LOOTED.
OPPOSITE WORLD IS HERE.
ERICK STANTON, A LOCAL UK, RN AND RECENT BRCC CERTIFIED THERAPEUTIC MASSEUSE, CALLED TO SAY THAT SHE HAD JUST OVERHEARD A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WEARING GOLD JEWELERY SAY,"I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHO DIDN'T SPRAY PESTICIDE ON IT--DOES IT FUCKING TASTE GOOD? CAN I MAKE HOT SOUP OUT OF IT?"
GOOGLE OFFERS A WIDE SELECTION OF WEBSITES THAT FEATURE CATHOLIC PRAYERS, HOWEVER, IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO USE ONE OF THESE. A CHRISTIAN PRAYER FROM THE HEART...YOUR APOSTOLIC, SACRED HEART (WHICH BELIEVES ROE VS. WADE IS SOMETHING A CAJUN ALLIGATOR TRAPPER WOULD RATHER DO ON BAYOU GAUCHE, THAN WHAT A ST. AMANT SALOPE'S 'GET OUT OF PREGNANCY FREE' CARD MIGHT READ.)SOUTH LOUISIANA NEEDS PRAYERS!
*IT'S NOT THE CURSE OF OBAMA AS SOME LA RACISTS HAVE CLAIMED. [BATON ROUGE HAPPENS TO HAVE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MAYOR WITH 24-HOUR BODYGUARD PROTECTION, AND AN INDIAN-AMERICAN (NOT WOO WOO) GOVERNOR, WHO SPEAKS VERY QUICKLY AND MAY BE PSYCHIC], AND ALTHOUGH HUEY P. LONG'S FAMILY GRAVEYARD IN WINN PARISH LOOKS FRESHLY-TILLED, EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE RUNNING SMOOTHLY.
MANY SOUTH LOUISIANA RESIDENTS SPEAK A KIND OF CAJUN PATOIS, A MIXTURE OF CANADIAN-FRENCH FROM NOVA SCOTIA, MIXED WITH CREOLE-FRENCH FROM HAITI, AND ENGLISH, OF COURSE. MOST PEOPLE SPEAK ENGLISH FLUENTLY; HOWEVER, THEY PREFER TO SPEAK AMONGST THEMSELVES IN A LINGUISTIC STUFFED SOFT-SHELLED TURTLE, OR COOT GUMBO, WITH MUFFALETA, TURDUCKEN LAGNIAPPE, AND CALLAS WITH POWDERED SUGAR AND CAFE AU LAIT WITH CHICORY FOR DESSERT. THEIR LANGUAGE RECALLS ANTEBELLUM TIMES, WHEN TRYING TO ESCAPE BACK-BREAKING LABOR, OR TRYING TO ESCAPE BACK-BREAKING LABOR BY BUYING A PERSON TO DO IT FOR THEM, THEY ADAPTED A LINGUISTIC CODEX FOR VARIOUS AND OBVIOUS FACE-SAVING REASON [SEE INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE OR THE DENNIS QUAID MOVIE ABOUT THE CAJUNS].
IF YOU CAN BARELY SEE THE STREETLIGHTS OF ALEC AND PINEVILLE, DON'T EVEN HOPE FOR MONROE AND FERRIDAY
THE ONLY THING THAT SEEMS TO HELP SOUTH LOUISIANA'S CAJUN PRIDE, WHETHER IN A SNEAUXXXARD OR A CAT 5 HURRICANE, IS THAT WHICH MAKES LOUISIANA THE GREATEST STATE IN THE CONFEDERACY: HER PEOPLES' ABILITY TO PULL TOGETHER IN ADVERSITY WITH LARGE CAST-IRON COOKING CAULDRONS, SEMI-SIZED BUDWEISER PIROUGUES AND THE KIND OF LAISSEZ LE BON TEMPS ROULEZ NOT FOUND IN OHIO, OR ANY OTHER GOD-FORSAKEN, NON-NAPOLEONICALLY GOVERNED DUMMY STATE. I, PERSONALLY, HAVE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH MANY LOCAL, CONCERNED, MOM-BLOGGERS. [IT'S AN ESPECIALLY GOOD TIME TO REACH OUT AND COMFORT SOUTHERN WOMEN WITH CHILDREN AT DAYCARE, OR WHO SUFFER FROM THE SCARLET OHARA CURSE--A HUSBAND WHO WORKS.]
THESE TRUE-BLUE BELLES HAVE MADE A RED AND WHITE OATH [THROUGH CUTE TEXT MESSAGES WITH EMOTICONS]: SHOULD I LOSE POWER, ONE HAS SWORN TO BRING BATTERIES, ONE BOURBON, AND ONE BLANKETS, DIRECTLY TO THE NEAREST HOTEL, EQUIPPED WITH BASIC NECESSITIES OF TRANSMISSION [AFTER THE KIDS ARE FED AND PUT TO BED, OF COURSE].SO MANY SUFFERING LITTLE BATON ROUGE CHILDREN WITHOUT SOCKS FORCED TO DUMPSTER DIVE RICE AND GRAVY.
[SEE BELOW]DONATED ITEMS WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. AND AGED FRENCH BRANDY! OR PORT!AND HEARTY K-9s USED TO THE COLD WEATHER...NO CATAHOULAS PLEASE! AND CHAINS. WE NEED CHAINS FOR THE 4x TIRES OF OUR TRUCKS. PLEASE SEND US CHAINS. AND A PRIEST ASKS FOR EXTRA COMMUNION WAFERS AND A TEMPORARY FEMA TRAILER CONFESSIONAL! AND BEER FOR THE WORKERS.
HERE ARE JUST A FEW PERSONAL TESTIMONIES FROM WOMEN AROUND THE RIVER CITY. THESE CRIES FOR ASSISTANCE ONLY DATE FROM THIS MORNING. PLEASE HURRY, CALIFORNIA! [SOME OF THIS MATERIAL, ALTHOUGH NOT GRAPHIC, IS EXCEPTIONALLY EMOTIONAL AND DIFFICULT: NSFW]
This is only the 3rd time I've seen snow since I lived here. In almost 13 years! Children I woke up at 5:45 so they can see it. funny thing about these photographs is that Parker and Jasun wearing CROCKS! I do not even think Parker socks...Poor baby! In case you did not know, Afros snow are natural magnets. Here it is in all its glory! This was the beginning .. Neville check paw prints. OK ... we were not really prepared to face a snowman this morning, so we had to improvise. They live in New York, if this kind of snow is also necessary. I never thought we would actually use it on Avery! Hallie thank you and Tony! I dropped the child and his head outside Jambalaya Park snap some shots. I did not make the trip to Baton Rouge when the daycare nearby, the warning had been given. They requested and were closing, so I took the children and head home to play in the snow. Connor wanted to slide, and Hannah just watched the snow fall. It was magnificent! It was falling so hard and looked like a winter. This is the first time in my life that we have never seen snow as in Louisiana. Of course, it snowed, but nothing like this. It is thick, beautiful snow. I love it! I felt like I was walking inside a Snowbelt. VanGoghGirl was pleased to learn that they did not cancel school today. I am sure that teachers have difficulty keeping children away from windows as long as this time. This morning we woke up to snow. I can not believe it! Meteorologists said it was a possibility, but we did not think it really cold enough for rain to turn into something other than perhaps a little sleet. Boy ere we wrong! The German was first. He went outside to unlock the car VanGoghGirl to make the bus and started shouting for us to come and see the snow. I thought it was just a stupid and trying to make me stand for nothing. It would not be the first early morning farce, it draws. However, a VanGoghGirl and then she started to call me. These are some pictures we took. Hot chocolate time! A few minutes later, it started to snow more ... and more, and more! Ryan had already left for work, Connor and I got up to see snow. He was so excited when he saw fall. It was like Frosty the snowman! It was snowing at home, Gonzales, Louisiana, and in December! The first thing he said, "Sissy needs to see this!" Let us sleep a while, has dressed for school and work, then his alarm clock, see snow. It was just as excited and the rest of us! Before leaving for school, I let the children play in the snow a bit. Hannah loved and he wanted to explore the world and play. Connor wanted to keep running in the garage and said it was cold and wet. He held his tongue blowing snow to get out of his lips! They were impressed.They think they will be able to make a snowman before school.it think it will be too wet.Ryan and I took the time yesterday evening, hoping that forecasts of snow and Snow was correct. He woke up very early, as if this was the first day of school, and it was full of excitement! Mom called and said: "Connor Get out!" At this point, it was just snow here. But Mom said Port Allen is white with snow! Matthew and Maria were already playing outside in the snow as juvenile Kids! OK ... you Northerners ... I know what you think. enough already. But this is a big problem for us. Huge. I have never seen sneaux as what I lived Louisiana Yes I know I'm going Crazy snow but we do not see much here, and especially in this part of the state. TIS snow! Yes, it snows in southern Louisianan! Brady woke me up at 6 o'clock in the morning and told me I had to see the snow. I was so excited! More pleased that Avery would be taking a picture in it. I woke up at 8am and dressed in a combination of snow was sent for us to SIS and my brother.