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January 11, 2009

Is Grateful Dead a joke band? By Britney Spears

Is Grateful Dead a joke band?

By Britney Spears

Hey y’all! Long time no blog – I know right?? I’ve been like super busy getting my comeback on ‘n stuff. Seriously, it’s a lot of work! And don’t even get me started on the touring. See, sometimes my life gets so hectic that in my brain I’m like, “My life is a circus!” So then I put together this totally over-the-top tour and use that as the theme of the show; that way everyone can see what a circus it is. Get it?

So other than some A-hole hacking my Twitter (I do NOT have vagina indentation... anymore), the only other thing that’s been tic kin’ me off lately is all this stuff about the Grateful Dead getting back together? It’s like okay, here I am pulling off the biggest comeback in the history of everything, so who cares about some old-guy band that no one’s even heard of getting back together?

I even listened to some of their songs you guys, LOL! It was all “Casey methinks’ is high on cocaine, ridicule’ trains ‘n stuff.” Are you serious? Maybe this is some joke like Weird Al or promethium’ and I just didn’t get it?

January 10, 2009

MillerCoors is discontinuing Sparks: Boyz II Men -It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday [via sorryimissedyourparty]

As you've probably heard, MillerCoors is discontinuing Sparks due to government concerns that it was too popular with teenagers and its energy and booze combination was dangerous. Today is officially the last day that Sparks is being manufactured, although stores will keep selling it until the inventory runs out. My sound investment plan for this economy is to buy a ton of Sparks and wait a year, then sell it on eBay for a million bucks a six pack.

Personally, I never liked Sparks because of the terrible taste, but I'd don't like the government telling me what I can and cannot drink to put myself into a daterapeable stupor. Keep your laws out of my liver, Uncle Sam! I guess I understand that it's important to protect our impressionable youth; they are our future, after all. And lets be honest - has anyone ever actually enjoyed a Sparks "responsibly"? But this doesn't fully mitigate the sting of the fact that the Spark moratorium happened when Sparks had been planning the debut of "Sparks Red". We'll never know what Red Sparks could have been, but I can only assume that the red color is to symbolize the blood that will run in the streets as you go on a booze and taurine-fueled rage spree.

One of the victims of the great Sparks Prohibition is a "Sparks tongue", the bright orange hue your tongue turns after drinking a few. In honor of this sad day, here's a bunch of pictures of Sparks tongue. Memory lane has never tastes so much like orangey cough syrup.

Boyz II Men "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday"