Long Distance Relationships Can Actually End Up In Marriage
It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance
relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known
end-date to the separation. Endless phone calls, expensive plane
tickets, low satisfaction - the list of negatives can go on and on.
You
have to be really very brave and mature to start a serious long distance
relationship, even in the age of FaceTime and Skype. Probably the idea
of any type of relationship developing and existing solely over the
Internet is already enough to turn even the most romantic person into a
hopeless pessimist.
After all, communication and commitment are already a
bit of a challenge when we live in the same geographic area with our
partner, so how possibly could anyone expect a positive relationship
outcome when face-to-face communication is not an option?
Surprisingly to us, a new joint study by Canadian and US scientists came
to the conclusion that long distance relationships (or LDRs, as they
are sometimes called) don�t necessarily spell disaster for your
relationship and can actually end up in a happy matrimonial unit. The
experts at Queen's University in Ontario, and the University of Utah,
closely analyzed more than 700 individuals in long distance
relationships, and 425 people in "geographically close relationships."
The participants included students and non-students of both genders, and
a wide range of actual distances were taken into consideration.
First, the participants were asked to answer questions about their
attitudes toward long-distance relationships, after which they had to
fill out few sets of questionnaires designed to assess the quality of
their relationships:
- An assessment that measures sexual, emotional, social, intellectual and recreational satisfaction;
- A scale of their commitment;
- A scale that measures communication levels in a relationship;
- "Dyadic Adjustment Scale," which measures partners� disagreement on things, such as showing affection or handling finances;
- "Dyadic Sexual Communication Scale," which analyzes how well partners communicate about their sexual satisfaction;
- Analysis of female sexual satisfaction;
- Analysis of male sexual satisfaction;
- Analysis of the amount of psychological stress, anxiety, and depression an individual has experienced in the past month.
The results revealed that those couples who were engaged in long
distance relationships, were no less satisfied with their unions when
compared to those couples who shared the same geographical proximity. In
fact, the experts said that comparing subjects based on their sexual
orientation, relationship composition, and student status revealed very
similar relationship patterns.
These outcomes indicate that being in a
long distance relationship does not necessarily guarantee negative
relationship outcomes.
It was found that the factors that predicted positive relationship
results were not measured in miles. For instance, those individuals who
felt more optimistic and secure about the future of their relationship
had better quality relationships. Which is to say, it is not the
geographic distance apart that matters, but the emotional distance when
together. In addition, the study found that greater was the distance
between the partners, greater was the intimacy, communication and
overall satisfaction with the relationship.
So how to make a long distance relationship work? The experts say that
the key to avoiding destructive thoughts or unwanted actions is to keep
the relationship on track, which most probably will require plenty of
effort. Given today�s technology and social media, communication and
connection with one another is quite easy and costs almost nothing.
Psychologists highly recommend that partners, while communicating,
really find out about each other�s day and daily activities because like
every successful and healthy relationship, a solid foundation based on
the day-to-day sharing of each other�s ups and downs is key.
Consequently, if partners do not communicate fully, it will have a
negative impact on their health. The stress that results from worries
over fidelity, trust and where the relationship is heading can lead to
sleepless nights, weight loss, anxiety and even depression. And while
all these signs are concerning, psychologists say that there is no
official data suggesting that they are dangerous, however they could be
associated with a permanent break-up.
Finally, it is very important for the health of the couple and their
relationship to eventually live together in the same geographical
proximity in order to figure out if their bond can survive pressures of
everyday life.
It is not like a weekend where partners are happy and
devoted to each other and then for the rest of the week they miss each
other and cannot wait to meet again. Things might be completely
different when people move in together and start communicating on a
daily basis.
It is critical to find out if the relationship is going to
survive. It is encouraging that marriages following long distance
relationships have the same success rate as unions established in the
same area code - provided the partners don�t get married as soon as they
move in together. If they move in together first and it works well, the
experts say, then the future marriage would work as well as any other
marriage.
The study, "Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long Distance Relationships," is published in the Journal of Sex and marital Therapy.