FB Doug Meet

Search This Blog

July 4, 2011

Porn Eulogy

TMandrake's Blog » Eulogy

My grandparents were deathly afraid. Their first pregnancy after their wedding resulted in a miscarriage, their second was even more heartbreaking when the baby, a boy, had died in the womb. They were pregnant for the third time and many days were spent praying to the Virgin Mary in their church in Temozon, Mexico. After his daily morning prayers, my grandfather would spend each day from sunrise to sunset toiling in the fields as a farmer. My grandmother was attended to by nuns, distant cousins and relatives, and friends as the hours counted down to the birth of their child.

On July 23, 1939, my grandmother spent 14 hours in labor giving birth to her only child - a girl that would one day give birth to me. The child was given the name Trini Angelica.

When my mother was three, her father was killed in an auto accident. Several years later, a doctor diagnosed my grandmother with tuberculosis and recommended moving closer to the ocean where the sea breeze could help with her breathing. Mother and daughter headed for the eastern coast of the Yucatan Peninsula and created a new home in the town of Puerto Juárez, Mexico.

Being in a larger town gave both of them more opportunities. My grandmother made ends meet by working as a seamstress for a small military base nearby while my mother could begin school at the ripe age of seven. After school, my mother and grandmother would work for a boarding house, cooking meals, washing laundry, and changing beds. This was their routine for six years until they decided to move to America. This began a two year odyssey west as they travelled by train (when they could), hitching rides by horse-drawn wagons, but mostly by foot.

In 1953, they arrived in San Diego and made contact with distant relatives in Chicago. A benevolent great uncle sent them train tickets and a chance to establish themselves in the thriving City of Big Shoulders. Upon their arrival, they were welcomed by strangers with the faintest blood relations that quickly became a family to my grandmother and mother. These people took them in, got them educated in a hurry, and helped them with the biggest obstacle facing them - the English language.

By the time my mother was reaching high school age, she had an average command of English. She attended Chicago Vocational School and found a teacher who worked with her after school with her language, math, and science skills in order for her to graduate. It took her nearly six years to gain her high school diploma. She was able to use her education to help get my grandmother proper medical care as well as earning money with jobs in their neighborhood - babysitting, cleaning houses, helping others read, write, and understand English.

1964 was a pivotal year for my mother. My grandmother would lose her battle with TB. Shortly after the funeral, one of my mother's "uncles" attempted to rape her and turned him into the police. This caused a huge rift within her social circle - many of her relatives believed the "uncle" over my mother and tried to coerce her to dropping the charges, further deepening the divide. My mom was soon ostracized from the people she grew up with and was forced out of her home. (The rape case was dismissed and the "uncle" soon proved his innocence by raping another girl and spending more time in jail.)

One of her relatives who believed she was telling the truth helped by introducing my mother to a social worker who worked in the community. The social worker helped my mom find a job and a place to stay while encouraging her to attend classes at night, continuing her education. By the end of that year, my mom was fully established on her own.

My mother was planning on attending nursing school and continuing her education when she caught the eye of a man she had met in her neighborhood. His name was Thomas Mandrake and came from a middle-class family of steelworkers. He was attending business school and planned on making a small fortune in the lucrative field of insurance. They began dating in 1966, despite the attitudes of the day against interracial dating by their friends and his family especially.

A year later, the Summer of Love was in full swing and my parents fell under its spell. I was conceived during that summer of 1967, a hurried marriage ceremony was performed at City Hall in Chicago in November, and an apartment was quickly prepared for a family of three that winter. My mother spent many days praying at her local Catholic church to the Virgin Mary in the weeks leading up to my birth. Her due date was February 19, 1968. I was stubborn and didn't want to come out. She was ten days overdue when a doctor decided enough was enough - I was born by Caesarian on February 29th, making me a Leap Year kid and the third member of my family with the initials TM.

We spent nearly two years in the apartment on the near South Side when a great business opportunity for my father led us down the road from Chicago to Fort Wayne, Indiana. Had we stayed in Chicago, we might have had a chance to remain a family. We were leaving a city of over 3 million people of different ethnicities, cultures, and income levels with many opportunities for a young family to prosper to a Indiana town of over 175,000 people that was nearly 95% white with segregated schools, and divided neighborhoods with border lines you didn't dare cross.

Upon our arrival, the community immediately looked down their noses in our direction since we were a interracial family. Twice my parents were spurned in their attempt to purchase a house in decent neighborhoods. My father was constantly being told my mother and child were holding him back in the corporate world and the dumb fuck began to believe it. Shortly before my third birthday, my father attended a corporate function in Baltimore and never returned to our home. My mother was on her own again with a baby boy in tow.

She found more jobs and sent me to school when I was old enough. She taught me to be proud of my Hispanic heritage and told me stories of growing up in Mexico with my grandparents. She made me believe in the promise of America using herself as an example. She proved it by studying for and obtaining her naturalized US citizenship during the Bicentennial year of 1976. She soon began driving for the first time in her life and bought her first car - a 1969 Buick Electra. She got involved with the Hispanic community of Fort Wayne and began teaching English in the hours I was at school.

She attended every school play, every field trip to the Fort Wayne Zoo, and made sure I was getting a quality education. She let me stay up to watch "Hill Street Blues" well past my bedtime. She worked overtime for six months to surprise me at Christmas of 1982 with an Atari 2600 game. She found a better apartment that had separate bedrooms around the time I entered junior high - it would be the first time since I came out of her womb we wouldn't be sharing the same bed.

She encouraged me to find subjects and activities in school that I enjoyed. She disapproved of my first girlfriend in high school but let me discover on my own the highs and lows of dating. She was proud the day I made the junior varsity baseball team as a benchwarmer and attended the first several games despite the fact I was never going to play. She helped me choose a suit for a spring dance with a new girlfriend she really liked - but I didn't.

She volunteered at my old school, helping with kids learning Spanish and teaching them about Mexican culture. She was working in the community to get Hispanic kids off the streets and back into school. She was once threatened at knifepoint by a gang member to stay out his affairs but she never blinked or backed down. She helped to end the segregation of Fort Wayne elementary schools that finally ended in 1986 - the same year I graduated high school.

She watched me attend a local college for several years. She helped me buy my first car - a 1979 Oldsmobile Omega - that helped me deliver pizzas to earn money for school. She saw me fall in love with a girl that she didn't like but eventually warmed up to. She stood silently on the sidelines as I asked the girl to marry me. She congratulated us when we got married in 1992. She helped us move into an apartment on the opposite side of town after we returned from the honeymoon. She said nothing several months later when we decided we were too young to be married. She was at the courthouse when the judge struck the gavel annulling my brief marriage.

She gradually began to curtail her activities in the community as younger people stepped into her roles. She was thanked by many in the community for helping them find their own individual ways. She reduced her jobs down to one - working for the city of Fort Wayne as an administrative assistant for many of the city offices. She would offer her opinions when asked and held nothing back. She smoothed egos. She watched for discrepancies in statements and actions from all who held office and called them on it. She ruffled feathers.

She and I took a family vacation back to Mexico and showed me the town of Puerto Juárez where she played as a child. She told me her mother had an opportunity to buy a plot of land nearby in the town of Cancun but decided against it. She took me to the church where her grandparents prayed to the Virgin Mary. She drove out to the location where her family farm once stood. She discovered several of her childhood friends and we established new contacts there. She boarded the plane home with a content smile on her face. She told me she was grateful her mother moved to America and gave her opportunities she was able to pass along to me.

She rented a U-Haul truck for me when I left home to attend college in Chicago. She came out to visit me several times and rediscovered her old haunts. She learned the fates of many of her distant relatives and attempted to contact several of them. She offered her help as I tried to track down my father's family. She was there when we found out the truth about him - he had died in 1984 in a private plane crash (chasing another fortune probably). She stunned the hell out of me when she disclosed she never divorced her husband. She cried when I told her that I never needed a father.

She first experienced a health scare in 1997 when several arteries became blocked. She assured me she was fine over the phone on a Sunday evening, not knowing she had had a scheduled angioplasty for the following Monday. She was hospitalized briefly and began a rehabilitation with her doctor. She had several of her friends help her out and never troubled me once about it. She started watching her diet, attending yoga classes, and getting more active. She briefly adopted a dog named Razor and walked it every night for several miles.

She never discovered after I had graduated college I began attending sex clubs. She wondered if I was dating constantly and I never dared to tell her I had fuck buddies in several different cities. She was introduced to several of my "friends" who came to visit her. She marveled at the tattoos and piercings several of my lady friends sported. She attended one swingers summer picnic in 2002 with me at a friend's house where I was assured no funny business would happen until after my mom left. She walked into the house to use the restroom and found two of my friends in the bathtub NOT taking a shower. She reappeared outside and told me she could wait until she got home to use the toilet.

She was proud of me the day I became a college graduate. She was prouder the day I received a good paying job close to her home. She was sad when I was let go from the job and learned the job prospects for the area were slim to none. She used her contacts around the city to search for a job for me. She understood that I probably would be leaving Indiana to search for a job.

She was tearful when I moved to Maryland for a time. She was glad I was making friends out there and dating - the swinger's scene was small but definitely active during my time there. She was glad I moved to Ohio about a year later - she could jump in the car and come visit - as soon as she could get clearance from her doctor that she could drive again. She was very distressed the day I left for Missouri three years ago. She couldn't drive any longer thanks to her poor eyesight but I promised I would fly her out whenever she wanted.

She last visited me around the time I decided I was getting out of the sex club scene and found a home here at xHamster. She was having problems with her heart again and she was complaining of constant fatigue. She refused my offer to take her to a doctor but assured me she would get checked up at home. She was proud of my accomplishments in the business world and the amount of money I was making. She was pleased when I introduced her to one of my friends with benefits I was monogamously dating at the time.

She began having serious health problems shortly after that visit. She was diagnosed with diabetes and began learning how to take her blood sugar and insulin shots. She was hospitalized again with her heart - another blocked artery and leaky heart valves. She was discharged from the hospital one day, readmitted the next. She and I talked on the phone constantly, reassuring that our prayers to the Virgin Mary would be heard and the crisis would pass. She began to get her affairs in order and sent me copies of her will and giving me power of attorney.

She checked into an assisted living facility on her own early last year and enjoyed meeting the new people there. She drew strength from them and her spirits improved. She shared gossip with me over the phone about the people there. She was getting good care from the doctors and nurses and everyone hoped the move would be good for her physical well being. She was visited by people she knew from Fort Wayne all the time. She was happy and confident that she would be well soon.

She had kidney failure before Christmas last year and was hospitalized again. She was told her kidney function was at 40% and dropping. She began dialysis to remove the excess water that was trapped inside her body. She watched as her weight ballooned from 135 to 190. She suffered as the weakening heart tried to pump more blood. She was getting quality care but it was one breakdown after another. She was immensely tired after her dialysis sessions that were occurring twice a week, then three times a week, then daily.

She always brightened up when I visited her. She told me "no" when I offered to move back to Fort Wayne to be close to her. She said I needed to live my life and not worry about her. She asked about my girlfriend (which I didn't have) and I told her many of my friends (swingers and xHam people) were pulling for her to get well. She was so proud of me when I told her about the chance I had to travel overseas with my job. She wanted to get well so we could travel back to Mexico one more time. She never forgot her origins, her parents, her struggles, her determination to come to America.

She then told me she wanted to be cremated - her ashes to be spread in four different places. She wanted the first part of her ashes to be scattered as close to her father's burial spot in Mexico as possible. She wanted the second part of her ashes to be sprinkled over her mother's grave in Chicago. She wanted the third part of her ashes to be spread in Fort Wayne and I get to choose the spot. She then wanted the remainder of her ashes to be kept in a crypt until my death at which time they would be spread on the spot where I would be buried.

She would cry every time I prepared to leave her bedside. She would wish me God's blessings every time I said goodbye. She would always answer the phone by the second ring when I called her to let her know I arrived back home safely. She told me every time she would keep me in her thought and prayers as I began my new work week.

She lapsed into a coma on August 3rd, 2010. She was not conscious when I arrived at her bedside a day later. She didn't respond to my touch. She never opened her eyes as I spoke to her. She was breathing with the help of a respirator. She was unresponsive as I prayed to the Virgin Mary for many hours at her bed. She never moved as I kissed her cheek good night when visiting hours were over.


She never heard me tell her that I loved her time and time again this past week.


She lived until August 12th, 2010 when her heart and lungs decided it was time not to work. She was given last rites by a Catholic priest and declared dead at 10:38 AM. She was taken from the hospital and will be cremated in accordance with her wishes. She is survived by one son who was present when she died.

Me.

If you've read this far, I thank you.

You might be wondering why I'm sharing this immensely personal story at a free porn web site.

My mother was an only child with no family. I am an only child with no family.

My mother used to say time and time again "The people you invite into friendship and your heart are your family."

Maybe this is why I was involved in the polyamory / swingers lifestyle for ten years. Many of the people I met during this time I've stayed in contact with - they will be referred to this spot so they can read about the death of my mother. Several of them were praying for her recovery thanks to my friendship with them. To them who are reading this, I thank you all for the prayers and the friendship you've shared with me. You are now my family.

Maybe this is why I've chosen to be a member here at xHamster. I've made many friendships here, some more closer than others. One or two of you might have even offered up a good thought or a prayer for my mother. To those friends who are reading this, I thank you for your support and friendship. You are now my family.

Next week, I will spread several of my mother's ashes in Fort Wayne. I then travel by car to Chicago to visit my grandmother's grave. In Chicago, I will make arrangements for the transport of a small urn of my mother's ashes and myself to Mexico where I will attempt to locate my grandfather's grave and fulfill my mother's wish.

To those of you who will leave me a message below, I thank you in advance and I will respond to each of you personally upon my return.

To those with e-mail and phone privileges, just use e-mails please. If you call, you'll hear me sobbing uncontrollably and that probably won't be good for the both of us.

I wish whoever has read this peace.


13924
post
7
374801
148181

Comments

Porn Expert

comments: 306

September 17, 2010, 3:07 pm 

I initially started reading this because I guess I was thinking you were a TOOL fan and had posted their lyrics to "eulogy", so I was certainly surprised by the sad content and yet taken by your depth, sensitivity, and excellent writing skills. The advice I offer your grieving heart at this time is to always remember that your mother WAS NOT her "body"..it just housed her soul, spirit, and essence ~which made her the strong woman as you spoke of. Her sprit is the part of her that made her eyes twinkle everytime she saw her beloved son, and that spirit is forever eternal. So technically, she has never left you and will always be near to you and one day you shall reunite with her beautiful spirit. As with my first words, I shall bid you adeu with my fave TOOL lyrics ever and hope that they may offer you some inner peace~ "Embrace this moment, remeber...we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion!" 'Parabola'



...» See Ya